To my future wife…
First of all lemme congratulate you on being the best of all women in the world, for you have survived rigorous screening processes, scaled mountainous heights on the journey to becoming Mrs. Wana. You are also one of the most beautiful women alive because if you weren’t, I wouldn’t have looked at you in the first place.
Now to lay down some ground rules…
1) No family members: This a very important rule, which can lead to me divorcing yo’ ass. The fact that I was nice to your mum throughout the dating period doesn’t mean I want her living in my house. The same applies to your brothers, especially if they eat a lot. Because na you go suffer am. Your younger sisters are allowed to visit for maximum 2 days (that should be enough to experiment, right?)… Lol… You know I would never cheat on you, right?
2) I’m going to make this rule as short as possible… uCheat, iCatchU, iKillU, iRemarry…. Get it?
3) If there’s one thing I love as much as I love you (it might be even more at times), it’s football. Interrupting me during a Manchester United match can lead to severe consequences. Even if the house is burning, just do your best to hold the fire away from the living room, and I’ll join you when the game is over. Also, whenever my friends come over to watch matches, you must treat them with utmost respect… You know I don’t keep lame-ass friends…
4) As shocking as it may sound, I’m a very very very very very very very very very religious person, meaning you gats follow in my footsteps. If I wake up for prayer for early morning and you still dey sleep, na belt get you that morning o….
5) Remember the night I came to your house and I drove my car into the wall because of the smell of the food you were cooking. Although it cost me a lot of money to get the Ferrari fixed, I have to say that was one of the moments when I knew I couldn’t do without you. Just keep on cooking the way you do and everything will be all right between us…. Except if you break rule 2, and even then your cooking won’t protect you….
6) I don’t tolerate drinking and smoking… You should already know that… But just to ram it into your pretty head, I’m telling you again… If you want to sell you body for Guiness make dem use do brewery, no be for my house o!
7) You must know how to dance, if not better go and meet Tolu to teach you o! Your husband is a dancer, as in must of the best available! We’re going to be the cynosure of all eyes when we party, so don’t embarass me o!
That’s basically all you should know for now…. If anything new arises, I’ll find a way to get it across to you.
Love you loads,
Your future husband.