In 10 Years Time…
Day 6 of our journey… I didn’t believe I’d actually make it this far… I thought by this time I would be using the “I have gone to see my sick aunt in Ogbomagalu Village” line as an excuse not to write any post again… But for reasons unknown to even the great Orunmila, we still dey here… I appreciate the support of everybody who has wasted hundreds of kilobytes of data just to read the ramblings of a predicate sociopath like myself (I sure say Amir no understand anything wey I write for here… Thank God say na pidgin dem use teach us for Ilorin) and I hope to repay your stupid wastage of time on me with equally stupid posts…
Before I start writing, I have to bring it to your attention that my spoken and written English is very very poor, hence the high number of grammatical errors in my posts. I really need a good editor, someone that had at least a B3 in WAEC English. My dear Esse (@TheFakeEsse), I have seen your 3 WAEC, 2 NECO SSCE and the numerous GCE results. Do not even bother attempting to apply.
Today’s post: In 10 year’s time. You have to admit, it is a rather fascinating topic… Where will you be in 10 years? Will you be washing pots at the Company kitchen, or will they be bring you food in Presidential Suites? Will you happily married with children, or will you be a lonely spinster with only your cats and numerous dildos for company? Will you live in a big, fancy mansion in Beverley Hills, or will you be sharing a Face-Me-I-Face-You apartment with a prostitute in down-town Shomolu? The questions are endless…
But you know me now… I was born to shine… Born to be great *insert theme song of Gulder Ultimate Search* But seriously, in 10 years time, my life is gonna be mega-awesome… I mean, my life is already awesome as it is, hence the “mega-awesomeness” of my future life. I’m a Twitter Celeb, a potential Unilag student (I blasted the Post-UTME!!!!!), I’m a Man Utd fan, and I have shares in Nigerian Breweries (the makers of our dear Maltina) and an Ethiopian company that makes Moi-Moi flavored condoms. What else could a young man want?
I have borrowed our comfy Vitafoam mattress once again, as we are going on another journey in time. Hadeezah (@DheezarOby), please do not urinate on our mattress again. Try and hold it until after the story. Strap in and let me take you 10 years in the future and into a day in the life of the future Mayowa ‘Wana’ George…
The date is Wednesday September 22nd 2021, my wife’s 29th birthday. We wake up at about 5:30am to pray our morning prayers, after which I give her wonderful birthday sex. (I’d have loved to go into the details of our wild primitive lovemaking, but with the amount of 16 year-olds that read my blog, I won’t. I do not want to be the catalyst of another 42 rounds of masturbation). I’m not going to work and we have breakfast in bed. After breakfast and a little sleep, we have our baths, get dressed and ready for my wife’s special day.
At about 9:30am, I get a call on my limited edition Blackberry Bold 12 from the Editor of Forbes magazine, asking me and wife to show up for a photo-shoot as they are doing a special edition on the World’s Richest Couples. My wife is 3 months pregnant with our 3rd child at the time, and is eager to show off her new curves. As we are about to leave the house, 9-year old Wana Carter (yes, Jay-Z & Beyonce named their son after me K) arrives with his parents who plan to perform at the party in the evening. I leave them in the house and I and my wife zoom off to the photo-shoot.
After about 3 hours of taking photos and mingling with other rich couples, me and my wife go back to our house were preparations for the party are in full swing. Javier Hernandez and his wife arrive early, and we discuss his impending retirement from football and Man Utd’s continual dominance of world club football. We hear a noise from the background, and watch as Kimora Lee Simmons runs crying to her Volkswagen Beetle, with my wife screaming behind her and Mo’Cheddah trying to calm her down. She refuses to tell me what went wrong between them and the preparations continue.
At about 5:30pm, the party starts with an opening note from my mentor and very good friend, 114-year old ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo. More guests begin to come as the party progresses, with Dame Patience Jonathan (Her English is still horrible) and Wizkid (and his 7 wives) making appearances. The event is also used to launch our Perfume line, Clothing line, Condom line, Malt drink factory, Ijebu Garri factory and Yam flour factory. At about 2:30am my wife’s best friend, Beyonce Carter gives the Vote of Thanks and the party comes to an end.
As we retire to bed, my wife and I check on our 2 children, 3-year old Farida and 1-year old Amir. Some mails come in just before I go to bed, including a mail from the President of Lesotho asking for some money to run their government. I reply the mail, kiss my wife goodnight and sleep off.
There you have it y’all, a glimpse of my life in 10 years time. I know it seems a little bit dull, but I’m okay with it. Till tomorrow, Peace!