Day 6
In 10 Years Time…
Day 6 of our journey… I didn’t believe I’d actually make it this far… I thought by this time I would be using the “I have gone to see my sick aunt in Ogbomagalu Village” line as an excuse not to write any post again… But for reasons unknown to even the great Orunmila, we still dey here… I appreciate the support of everybody who has wasted hundreds of kilobytes of data just to read the ramblings of a predicate sociopath like myself (I sure say Amir no understand anything wey I write for here… Thank God say na pidgin dem use teach us for Ilorin) and I hope to repay your stupid wastage of time on me with equally stupid posts…
Before I start writing, I have to bring it to your attention that my spoken and written English is very very poor, hence the high number of grammatical errors in my posts. I really need a good editor, someone that had at least a B3 in WAEC English. My dear Esse (@TheFakeEsse), I have seen your 3 WAEC, 2 NECO SSCE and the numerous GCE results. Do not even bother attempting to apply.
Today’s post: In 10 year’s time. You have to admit, it is a rather fascinating topic… Where will you be in 10 years? Will you be washing pots at the Company kitchen, or will they be bring you food in Presidential Suites? Will you happily married with children, or will you be a lonely spinster with only your cats and numerous dildos for company? Will you live in a big, fancy mansion in Beverley Hills, or will you be sharing a Face-Me-I-Face-You apartment with a prostitute in down-town Shomolu? The questions are endless…
But you know me now… I was born to shine… Born to be great *insert theme song of Gulder Ultimate Search* But seriously, in 10 years time, my life is gonna be mega-awesome… I mean, my life is already awesome as it is, hence the “mega-awesomeness” of my future life. I’m a Twitter Celeb, a potential Unilag student (I blasted the Post-UTME!!!!!), I’m a Man Utd fan, and I have shares in Nigerian Breweries (the makers of our dear Maltina) and an Ethiopian company that makes Moi-Moi flavored condoms. What else could a young man want?
I have borrowed our comfy Vitafoam mattress once again, as we are going on another journey in time. Hadeezah (@DheezarOby), please do not urinate on our mattress again. Try and hold it until after the story. Strap in and let me take you 10 years in the future and into a day in the life of the future Mayowa ‘Wana’ George…
BOOM!
The date is Wednesday September 22nd 2021, my wife’s 29th birthday. We wake up at about 5:30am to pray our morning prayers, after which I give her wonderful birthday sex. (I’d have loved to go into the details of our wild primitive lovemaking, but with the amount of 16 year-olds that read my blog, I won’t. I do not want to be the catalyst of another 42 rounds of masturbation). I’m not going to work and we have breakfast in bed. After breakfast and a little sleep, we have our baths, get dressed and ready for my wife’s special day.
At about 9:30am, I get a call on my limited edition Blackberry Bold 12 from the Editor of Forbes magazine, asking me and wife to show up for a photo-shoot as they are doing a special edition on the World’s Richest Couples. My wife is 3 months pregnant with our 3rd child at the time, and is eager to show off her new curves. As we are about to leave the house, 9-year old Wana Carter (yes, Jay-Z & Beyonce named their son after me K) arrives with his parents who plan to perform at the party in the evening. I leave them in the house and I and my wife zoom off to the photo-shoot.
After about 3 hours of taking photos and mingling with other rich couples, me and my wife go back to our house were preparations for the party are in full swing. Javier Hernandez and his wife arrive early, and we discuss his impending retirement from football and Man Utd’s continual dominance of world club football. We hear a noise from the background, and watch as Kimora Lee Simmons runs crying to her Volkswagen Beetle, with my wife screaming behind her and Mo’Cheddah trying to calm her down. She refuses to tell me what went wrong between them and the preparations continue.
At about 5:30pm, the party starts with an opening note from my mentor and very good friend, 114-year old ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo. More guests begin to come as the party progresses, with Dame Patience Jonathan (Her English is still horrible) and Wizkid (and his 7 wives) making appearances. The event is also used to launch our Perfume line, Clothing line, Condom line, Malt drink factory, Ijebu Garri factory and Yam flour factory. At about 2:30am my wife’s best friend, Beyonce Carter gives the Vote of Thanks and the party comes to an end.
As we retire to bed, my wife and I check on our 2 children, 3-year old Farida and 1-year old Amir. Some mails come in just before I go to bed, including a mail from the President of Lesotho asking for some money to run their government. I reply the mail, kiss my wife goodnight and sleep off.
BOOM!
There you have it y’all, a glimpse of my life in 10 years time. I know it seems a little bit dull, but I’m okay with it. Till tomorrow, Peace!
First!
SECOND!! Take that Ify!!
Champion!
First??
No… Second :p
Hehehe… I wulda prefard it if obj wasn’t there jor n he cnt b dat old den jare
m sure obj wld b dead by then
Make Una no kill my OBJ for me o !
U are sick,all of dt is dull abi,ole!!!
I’m not ole… I just want the good things…
Tot ΰ r done wit skΰl! Wats ΰp wit unilag? Nice btw!
I’m going for my 2nd degree 😀
Wana, you’re one crazy ass boy. This is hilarious man. Hernandez is good, but I’d have thought rooney should have been your friend. Your life 10 years time looks great. Keep it up
Rooney pissed me off jor…
Lmao! Are you sure you didn’t mean September 21. Cuz that Is my birthday?
Looool…. For real? I owe you something niyen o…
Yes you do 🙂
OK. So, there are a lot of issues with this blog post.
1. Thunder faya you for saying I can’t speak English. I have never gotten less than an A.
2. I am so tired….. Moi moi flavored condoms? Washing pots at Company kitchen?? Why evils? Why why why why?
Ify… -_____- All these lies about you getting an A…
Please stop. My balls hurt…
Less than an A? Oya hold that iron and swear to Ogun.
Twisted mother fucker. Suck yourself
Twisted mother fucker. Suck yourself!
I carry last! *wailing* This is a very very very very very boooooooooooooring duuuull story. Then thumbs up dear! Its good to dream, by the way, obasanjo will be dead and am nt sure about u either by the tym Hadeeza reads this blog!
Ok, the truth nw, u r a creative writer o! *shines teeth* mayb am nt so bad afterall
Hadeezah is quite okay with it…. Thanks
LOLs I Woke Up From My Vitafoam Matteress To Read This Post. Your Life In 10 Years Seems Quite Interesting Too Bad None Of Us Could Make It To The Party. As For The Job Of Editor, DM Me For Terms & Conditions
Muyiwa… Is that how to spell “mattress”? And you want me to hire you? I’ll pass 😀
Guess My Spell-Check Fucked Me Up That Time x_x …Hopefully You’re Open To Second Chances
Such broke dreams…
In ten years time, they would count my money by weighing it.
Chairman…. I’m lending money to governments…. Does it get bigger than that?
Owning World Bank maybe?
LOL my favorite part was where u dissed Esse ^_^
Me? Diss Esse? Where? I didn’t oh!
“Wana Carter” really??….no,really?? Smh!!
Blackberry Bold 12??? =))
Obj..114yrs?? You’re def sick!!!
I know 😦
twas hilarious…
Thanks…
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL WANA YOU ARE A FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLl… LmFAOOOOO!!!!!
I am a fool, and you are an empty.
daz tru, wana, none of us is in d story…..na all of us go make am oo…no dey snub ur ppl
Ehn! Before nko? We gats make am!
This is so friggin hillarious! U’re naming ur son after Amir??
Not After Amir o… I just love the name…
Sharap, stop lying 😐
ThatIfyGirl said I shouldn’t carry last. So..
I was here.
And here is your complimentary pack of condoms.
*sigh*
What?
┌П┐ ┌П┐ ┌П┐ ┌П┐ ┌П┐ ….. U still gbags sha :p….. U planning to marry ur age-mate? Not bad tho but…. 😡 ┌П┐
Sorry…. E dey pain… I know….
Hmmm first?
Heys calm ur tits
Crazy srory, ur imagination is runin really wild o!
WOW!!! LMAO!!! Nice one Wana,all your posts always get me laughing… But Wana,10 yrs time Jay would be too old to perform nah..
‘Wizkid and his 7 wives..
Lmao!…nice piece…
lwkmd…u dey dream dreams gaan ooo…
Seriously wana u’r the bomb
Even though I didn’t lyk the fact that I wasn’t invited, and that OBJ was invited, it’s still a good piece…..
And I lyk the fact u gave ur kids cute names. ——» thumbs up
Who said you weren’t invited? You and Sodiq came na…
laff has killed 5 of my 9 lives. but criously every single sentence made my stomach hurt and my bladder eager to release.
dear twisted minds, urine comes 4rm d bladder and not ……… kemmiiii tell dem ooo
P.S: wana pls direct ur link to my handle each time u release. I hate bein a last carrier.
lol…i loved the wizkid’s part. He’ll prolly be there to perform pakuromo remix…lol. u forgot to include dbanj in d story. i guess by then beyonce should av divorced jayz to get married to dbanj. and both of them will be there to perform Oliver. 🙂
Great imaginative power, Mad sense of humour, big thinker like one of ur role models(Ben Carson), creative!!! This is so interesting ! Keep it up!
U actually posted this on my birthday, nd I’m a lil bit partial cos of dat. Highlights were obj at 114, wizkid and his 7 wives, wana carter nd kimora lee nd her beetle. Lmfao