Day 10

3 Wishes…

Good morning! How are my people doing? I’m very sure y’all are doing good. I want to thank everybody who commented on yesterday’s post and helped me get part of my good mood back… I’m not back to 100% happiness (I haven’t had Bread & noodles in a while), but I really appreciate it. It does pay to have wonderful friends like all of una (@Segun_ you are not among o!)…

Before I move on to the business of today’s post, I have to address some issues. @Obi_jay said yesterday that y’all are used to my gbagauns… I wanted to cry! And I know English o! I can speak English for Nigeria and carry Gold! I just don’t know how these cursed gbagauns happen! And e dey pain me, because people like @Rinolee wey no even sabi the whole 26 alphabets go come dey ping me anyhow say I dey gbagaun. It hurts like mad.

Boys, on another level entirely, the whole blog + Ugwu package is a fake. It doesn’t work. It even has detrimental effects. Esse has stopped commenting on my blog… I doubt if she even reads it sef… I have sha told you, NEVER use WordPress and/or Ugwu leaves to set P. If it is an online package and you must do the runs, stick to Twitter DMs and water-leaf.

I’m typing for the first time with my phone, as money for router don finish, and my thumbs are already aching me, so off to today’s post. If I had 3 wishes. Someone said I’m becoming too predictable with my posts, so there shall be NO humor whatsoever in this post *straight face*

Back then in the days, when we watched all those Aladdin and the Arabian Knights cartoons, we would all imagine what we would do if we had a magic lamp we could rub and a genie would come out and give us 3 wishes. We were young then and would wish for “a car that could fly”, “to have a sword like Samurai X”, “to have a pet Godzilla”… I bet people like @Saheedt (I told you I was gonna yab you, right?) who were born razz would probably have wished for something like “free guguru and ekpa or Sprint chewing gum or kunu”… Yes… He is razz like that… (P.S. If you have no idea what Aladdin or any of the other cartoons listed above is, you had a deprived and severely traumatized childhood. Please kill yourself.)

But now that boys have matured and now have bigger cerebral cortices (Why is BB spell-check under-lining that word? Dumb fucks), our choices if given this imaginary opportunity would definitely be different. Since I’m just a normal boy like most of the people reading this, my wishes are gonna be what everybody who thinks normally wants.

1. Love: If true love is as perfect and as beautiful as they say it is, then I would definitely wish to experience it. To love someone immensely and the person loving you back equally. There’s one chic I met on Facebook who decided to give me a lecture on True Love 101 when I told her I didn’t have and didn’t need a girlfriend. She started defining emotions that to me just sounded absurd. Quoting her, “feeling like your lives has no meaning or purpose without the other.” I have felt something remotely close to this, but “give up everything just to see each other or talk to each other”? Baby, ja danu! I doubt such a feeling exists, but if it does I would definitely want to feel it.

This wish would have a sub-wish though (if my sexy genie allows it). I want to love and be loved, but I do not want to take the journey to get to that place. When I see the things people do in search of “true love”, it amazes me. Loving the person is half the journey and getting the person to love you back is the final phase. I remember seeing a couple at a restaurant in Ilorin where the girl was “massing” Pounded yam and the nigga was eating pop-corn. All to impress this girl and complete his “final phase”. I never want to do stuff like this. Never have to woo a girl. Just a “pop” and I want to be in instant love.

2. Success: Every action taken by every human being on Earth is towards achieving one or more of the 3 divisions of success, which are money, power and respect. And I want all 3. And on a very large scale. I want to be the epitome of success. I want Bill Gates to tell his children “See that man, now that’s the definition of success”.

Money is actually the stepping-stone to getting the other two. Though once all 3 are acquired, money loses it’s relevance. But still, I want to be rich. I want to be able to travel to UK on friday night for a football match on Saturday and come back that same saturday. I want to be able to see a beggar on the road, and give him a ghana-must-go containing 1 million naira. I never want to have to say “come tomorrow” whenever someone asks me for money no matter how large the amount asked for. Yes, I want to be rich. For it has been rightly said that “Money is not the root of all evil. The lack of money is the root of all evil.”

Power & Respect both move hand-in-hand, as if you have one, you have the other. And money to an extent is useless without this two. When you can take someone who got 12/100 in his Post-Jamb to the Unilag VC and say “I want this student admitted” and it becomes a done deal. When the AIGP (Association of Ijebu-Garri Producers) cannot increase the price of Ijebu-Garri without sending you a letter asking if you agree to it. When you can visit the White House without informing anyone of your coming. That’s the true meaning of Power and Respect.

3. Thirdly and the most important wish: A life-time supply of bread. I find it weird that some people do not know the joys of bread. In fact, it pains me. It’s one of the few food substances that you can eat anyday, anytime, anywhere, anyhow. My God, I can go on and on and on about bread for ages. Eating hot bread fresh from Barcelos with beans is far better than than having sex with Jessie Jane and Jada Fire at the same time! I’ve done both and I know! (Did someone just ask how I know the name of 2 porn stars? I refer you to Jamb exam 1994 Biology Question number 43.)

The wonders of bread cannot be described. Unlike the mythical King Midas who wished that everything he touched turned to gold, I would wish everything I touched turned to Bread. Hot, steamy, soft, fresh Barcelos bread. All this talk of bread is beginning to make me hungry sef… Make I run go buy bread….

P.S. I wasn’t paid by Barcelos to advertise their Bread. The bread is just legen… Wait for it… Dary!!!!

My thumbs are aching me! I am not typing with my phone again! Have a wonderful Saturday y’all!