*looks at time* 2:29am… *bbm very angry smiley*

Good morning! It’s the beginning of a new week, and day 11 of my series. I swear I can’t wait to be through with this thing… I wonder why it’s so hard… The shocking thing is other people do it with ease… I read LadeTawak’s blog… Very Good stuff… Every other person doing something similar to this usually posts short posts, about 300 words. I don’t know why I stress myself sha… I will start writing very short posts sef… I will not kill myself… Too many people love me for me to kill myself… And @kemmiiii is at the top of that list. Right boo?

In other news, nobody complained of a gbagaun in yesterday’s post… Made me feel really happy. I know @Rinolee will be carrying dictionary to read my posts now, but let me tell you Amir, every weapon fashioned against me shall not prosper! I will not gbagaun!!! *takes deep breath* *sips engine oil*… Yeah… Nobody does Maltina anymore…

And to all those that rep #TeamBread, I have decided to impose myself as your chairman *insert loud cheers here*. And thus I appoint Aneeta as my secretary. @Ibetapassmynebo’s house will be used as meetings, given the fact that there is excess amount of bread there. Anybody wishing to join should kindly submit your request along with 2 loaves of Bread from Barcelos to Aneeta, and it shall be processed accordingly.

And yes, @Terdoh was once a porn-star.

Today’s post was supposed to describe what I would call a perfect date, (Yes, every post in this series is about me, if you don’t like it, go and stick your head inside Odina’s ass) but giving the fact that I don’t date and don’t plan to (not for the next 70 years at least) I’m just gonna describe what some of you would term as “perfect” dates. I’m not really good at describing stuff like this, so bear with me. Here goes…

1. The romantic couple: They are crazy in love with each other, and show it happily. Boy wakes up girl up with a text in the morning, telling her how pretty she is and reminding her of their date. He comes to pick her up later that morning, and they share a light kiss as they get into his car. He takes her to E-Centre where they go see a romantic movie, with her head on his shoulder throughout. After the movie, they head up to Elegushi beach where they have fun playing in the water and walking in the sand while holding hands. They go back to the boy’s place where they have a night of passionate love-making and they fall asleep in each others arms.

Sadly, I can’t think of anybody to be in this category at the moment… Moving on…

2. Nerdy/Geeky Couple: Boy calls girl in the morning, telling her about the date while stuttering through half of the phone call. Girl arrives at his house some time later, where they hug slightly and immediately begin to blush. When they regain their composure, they sit next to other with a little space between them and spend the next 6 hours solving every problem in the latest edition of Engineering Mathematics. Finally, Girl’s mother call her to come home and Boy offers to walk her home. He escorts her to her front-door, where he places a kiss on her cheek and runs like hell.

@Segun_, I described you pretty well, right?

3. Horny couple: Boy wakes up very early and heads to Girl’s house, where they have early morning sex. They then have their bath together, and have sex in the shower. He offers to help her make breakfast, and they have sex in the kitchen. On their way to Silverbird Galleria, the traffic is heavy so they have sex in the car. They surprisingly arrive early for the movie, and quickly have sex in the rest-room. After the movie, they head back to the Girl’s, where they have sex while playing video games, sex while doing the dishes, and sex while reading. Boy notices it’s getting late, and they have sex before he leaves.

@Qghaz, you know this is where you fall under, right? Or should I have to open your yansh more?

4. The Rich/Celebrity Couple: Boy contacts AIT and tells them about the date, and it is read during the Morning News. When Girl is ready, she tells Boy and he sends an helicopter to pick her up and drops her at the air-port. They meet there, and board Boy’s private jet to London, while they have sex on the journey. Girl says she doesn’t want to get pregnant, so Boy uses his custom-made diamond-encrusted Louis Vuitton condoms. They don’t spend spend much time in London, as Girl still wants to go shopping in Paris that day. They offer a ride to the Prime Minister’s wife, who is also going shopping in Paris. When they land, they say good bye to the PMs wife and head off to the Dolce & Gabbana shop. They drop their measurements for their custom dresses, and girl does a little shopping. They are exhausted and they check into the Hotel Meurice, where they book the Belle Etoile suite for the night (For the ignorant people wondering why I used that particular room in the particular hotel, the cost of that room per night is about 4 million naira). They attempt to have sex after, but girl falls asleep quickly after.

Who belongs here? If them born any of una make anybody raise hand… Shior…

5. The Broke-Ass Couple: Boy flashes Girl 3 times in the morning, as they have planned earlier. They leave near each other in Yaba, so she just walks to his house. After gisting for a while, Girl says they should go hang-out at E-Centre. As they begin to walk, the rain starts and they have to take cover under a recharge-card seller’s stand. Boy stops an Okada rider, and after about 15 minutes of heavy negotiating, the Okada rider agrees to cut N10 off the price. They finally get to E-centre, and spend the next 2 hours walking round E-centre, holding arms while window-shopping. On their way back, it is late, so they decide to bike it home. Boy stops bike on the way to buy roasted plantain and groundnuts (Boli ati ekpa :D), which they eat while on the bike home. When they get home, boy rinses one of his previously used condoms and they have some sex and sleep in each other’s arms…

@Rinolee Na your category be this ba?

6. The Holy Couple: Boy calls Girl in the morning, informing her that God has given blessing to their meeting, and they can go on as planned. When he gets to Girl’s house, he shakes her hand and they kneel down in prayer and start a 90-minute prayer session. After they’re through praying, they watch a religious movie while sitting at different ends of the couch to avoid body contact. After the movie ends, they engage in another prayer session just before they eat lunch. After lunch, they revise their bible verses and Boy gives Girl a mini-sermon. Around 6pm, they decide it’s late and Boy takes his leave. He nods his head at Girl and she nods back. And Boys head out the door and to his own house.

This is where Me and @TheFakeEsse are… Notice the absence of physical contact? Yeah, we’re holy like that.

Yep, that’s the breakdown. Feel free to insert yourself in any category that suits you. Have a happy sunday y’all! *eats left-over boli*

Did I mention @Terdoh was once a porn-star?

Advertisements