Good morning people! Hope we slept well?

Not in the mood for much talk, so I’m just gonna start writing. I wanted to try my hand at story-writing. I have never writen a story before, so I wanted to see how easy (or hard, in my case, ’twas hard) story telling is… Here goes…


7:35am. Monday September 12, 2011. Sanni groaned as he woke up to yet another day of suffering, then smiled to himself as he looked at the clock and calendar prodded up on the only table in his one “self-contain” apartment. Today was the day. Today was the day he finally took of the shackles called poverty that he had been wearing for the 27 years of his life. He looked at the ceiling as he lay on the straw mat which doubled as a bed and couch, and tried to remember how this glorious opportunity came to him.

It was 2 weeks ago when everything started. He had been shocked when he was told that the Mercedes GL 450 parked out in front of the uncompleted site where he worked was waiting for him. He never thought it was possible and ignored the screams of his fellow Hausa bricklayers who were all saying “Sanni! Go am por the Jeep na! Na you dem dey wait por!” Sanni had refused to move, believing it was a lie, that someone who came in a car that majestic could definitely not be looking for him. Not until he saw his brother, Terdoh and a white man come down from the car and walked towards him.

As they walked towards him, Sanni was confused. How had Terdoh managed to come in contact with a white man? What did they want from him? Endless questions raced through his minds. As they finally got to where he stood, Terdoh did the introductions. “Sanni ko, this man na Oyinbo o. Him talk say him get am por work for you wey go bring money. Mr Oyibo, na my brother wey I dey talk am por be this”. Sanni remembered feeling extremely small as Mr Oyibo scrutinized him. “Are you sure he can do it?”, he asked in a thick italian accent. Terdoh was quick to answer answer and had said “Yes!!” with supersonic speed.

Mr Oyibo, whose real name was Mario Rissoti, was a drug baron. A very rich one. But he was under investigation from the Interpol and FBI, so he couldn’t run his business as freely as he normally did. And there was a supply of fresh marijuana that he really needed to get to his home-town of Milan, and he had been looking for someone to do the delivery for him. As he scrutinized Sanni, he wasn’t sure if this poverty-stricken Nomad was the right person for the job. But time was against him, and he had to move fast before his competitors got ahead of him. He took the 2 Hausa men into the car and told them what he needed them to do.

As Sanni stepped into the Jeep, he was overwhelmed. He hadn’t seen such a pretty sight and took off his multiple-stiched Dunlop slippers so he wouldn’t soil the interior of the car. As he listened to Mr Oyibo tell them the job and how much they would receive for it, it sounded too good to be true. The mission was straight-foward. He was to pick-up the drugs, which had already been wrapped into tiny pieces, stick them into his anus to avoid detection, and board a plane to Italy. Sanni couldn’t believe it. It sounded too easy for N20 million. He told Mr. Rissoti not to worry, that he would carry out the assignment to perfection. As he returned to his brick-laying job, his fellow workers wanted to know what the man in the Jeep wanted, but He didn’t tell them as Mr. Rissoti had sworn him to total secrecy.

As Sanni stood up from his bed, he thought of what he would use the money for when he got the job done and was back to Nigeria. He was going to ask for Zainab’s hand in marriage, as he had been in love with the bread-seller’s daughter for over a year now. He also planned to build a very big house so as to accommodate Terdoh and the other 27 members of his immediate family. And yes, the GL 450… He had never been able to get his mind of the car… He just had to buy one…

After having his bath and stepping into the new suit Mr Rissoto had provided, Sanni called Terdoh and told him he was ready, as they were going together. While waiting for Terdoh, he decided to eat some beans at a road-side vendor, just beside the bread-seller’s stand. Even Zainab was impressed with his new look and blushed at him when she brought his order of N70 Agege Bread. In his euphoria, Sanni ate an abnormal lot. His stomach soon began to complain, and he paid for his meal as Terdoh arrived. Before he left, he told Zainab everything, and his plans when he got back. She was scared, but kissed him good-luck, after which he and Terdoh left.

Their first stop was Mr. Rissoto’s hotel in Surulere, where they would pick up the drugs. When they got there, Mr. Rissoto impressed the importance of the mission upon them, and told them to be extra careful, after which he gave them the drugs. Sanni dropped his pants and spread his ass-cheeks for Terdoh, who after using his index finger to widen the hole, dropped the neatly wrapped drugs into Sanni’s rectum., with Sanni moaning “Ooooh… Aaaah… Chook am por my yansh small small”. Mr. Rissoto refused to watch all this claiming he “didn’t want to be scarred for life.” After all the packages had been inserted, Terdoh licked his finger and the two men headed out.

When they reached Ojuelegba, where they were supposed to take a cab to the airport, there was a lot of commotion at the bus-stop. Police had gotten wind of a drug drop going down and moved into action and had arrested all of them. The dogs that the police brought along had been highly efficient and helped to sniff out the drugs. This got Sanni fretting but Terdoh told him to calm down as they were far away and that nothing could go wrong. Then suddenly, two of the dogs turned towards and began to chase them.

Sanni took to his heels. Terdoh at first didn’t know why Sanni ran, but then he heard the barking and saw the dogs coming, and he got his Usain Bolt on too. The police noticed the chase and got involved, using their sirens and trying to clear traffic so as to pursue them. Sanni looked back and saw the dogs were almost at him, and increased his pace. Then all of a sudden, his stomach made a rumbling sound, his anal muscles clenched and sent a signal to his brain: One more step and he was going to shit on himself.

Sanni stopped, and gave up. The dog caught up with him and bit at his ass, tearing some of his flesh. The pain was searing, and right there Sanni emptied his bowels, pouring both marijuana and hot faeces on the dog, which died instantly. Sanni looked around for Terdoh but couldn’t find him, but knew he was nearby. He screamed at Terdoh to tell Zainab how much he loved her and tried to run further, but then the police opened fire, and shot him dead.

Terdoh had run up to the top of the bridge, and watched all the action as it unfolded below. He felt really sad for his brother, but there was nothing he could do. After the commotion was over, he went down and picked the pieces of cloth and flesh that were the remains of his dear brother, and sent it in a box gift-wrapped to Zainab, and wrote on it “From Ojuelegba, with love.”

Aaah…. That felt horrible… I’m never writing a story again… I’ll stick my normal dumb posts…

For those who cannot read, the moral of the story is this: Beans is a parole-spoiler.

Ehn ehn, lest I forget, I’m looking for guest writers o! I want to use this 30-day series to publicize other bloggers who haven’t gotten their own pages yet, or who just want to show off their abilities.

Till we meet again tomorrow, I remain my horny self, Mayowa “Wana” George. Peace!