*walks up to the pulpit with sad face*

Wana: Good Morning, all ye Condoms.

Congregation: Morning!

@TheFakeEsse: Wana darling, what’s with the sad face?

Wana: Things didn’t go according to plan. I was hoping to serve in a School of Nursing where I would be surrounded by beautiful young girls. But I was posted to the Ministry of Health, which means I have to serve in a place full of old, cranky married women. But as it says in the book of Sanponna 2 verse 19 – 22 … Can somebody read the verses for me?

@yemijohnson: I will. It says, “O ye Otondos, do not be sad with whatever life gives you, for life will never give you something useless. For if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. If it gives you mangoes, you make mangonade. If it gives you agbalumo, you make agbalumonade. If it gives you…

Wana: It haff do, Uncle Yemi. The idea “is get.”

Since I’m not going to be surrounded by young girls anymore, I will do my best to suck as much money as possible from these women. I will need a girlfriend though, as person no just fit dey make money make e no spend am…

@MissInsayne: Wana!! Wana!! I have a testimony!!! I’m single!!!

Wana: So what? I should go and buy Fufu on Mars? Sister please shift.

Let’s get down to today’s business… Uncle Saka, opening prayer please.

@Sirkastiq: Sango o! Good morning Sir! Thank you for allowing us witness another sermon from your high priest. May he preach the good news to us and set us on the path to Iya Yusuf, sorry Righteousness. Please protect us too, and grant us everlasting moin-moin, sorry everlasting life. Thank you.

Congregation: Amen!!!

Wana: Amen… Saka, have you eaten this morning?

@Sirkastiq: *wipes tears* No…

Wana: Awww… Sorry… Wait after service, make we go Mr. Biggs together…

@Sirkastiq: Mr. Biggs? No worry Oga… Hunger no catch me again….

Wana: Sure? Anyhow o… Na your belle… Moving on…

Last time out, we discussed the first deadly sin, Lust. Today we move to another deadly sin, Pride. Who can tell us what pride is?

Raihanah: Pride is an inwardly directed emotion that carries two common meanings. With a negative connotation, pride refers to an inflated sense of one’s personal status or accomplishments, often used synonymously with hubris. With a positive connotation, pride refers to a satisfied sense of attachment toward one’s own or another’s choices and actions, or toward a whole group of people, and is a product of praise, independent self-reflection, or a fulfilled feeling of belonging.

Wana: You don finish? You for dey talk dey go… Mschewww… Abeg who know wetin pride be?

@Rinolee: Pride is just that feeling say na your head big pass… That you’re the best… That kind Mourinho behavior… Make you just dey do like say na you be God… Thank God say Guardiola humble am wella… Mschew…

I'm Special, Bitches!


Wana: I feel your pain bro.

Going by the definitions we’ve gotten, we can successfully deduce, that Pride is a feeling of high self-value. A feeling of of high self-importance of one or one’s abilities. The exact opposite of humility. Which brings us to the next question. Is pride good or bad?

@deaduramilade: Being proud is, at times, a good thing. It motivates to keep on pushing for success. People like Mario Balotelli wouldn’t be where they are now if not for their arrogant and proud nature.

Biko! Chinedu! Why Always ME?

Wana: And do you know the evil things such pride can cause when the desired success is not attained?

@Terdoh: Yo’ Wana mayne, on point! Exactly what caused World War II! My homie Adolf Hitler felt Germany was the most supreme country in the world. And when the other countries didn’t recognize them as such, he took it P and came out all guns blazing! Bang bang bang everywhere! That nigga was loco yo! Still saw him at buying bras at Mushin last week… He still feels he was right… Nigga was twisted mayne..

Wallahi, I be the best person wey dey am for this earth...

Wana: Thank you Terdoh for that. Which now brings us to a similar emotion to pride, Vanity.

While not as destructive as pride, Vanity is similar to pride, defined as “excessive belief in one’s abilities or attractiveness to others”. Hitler was so vain, thinking Germans were so supreme, and it led to his downfall.

Another case of vanity I witness everyday is my cousin. She has such a high opinion of her cooking abilities, and thus likes to experiment. It is we that eat the food that enjoy/suffer the outcomes of these experiments. She has this habit of “garnishing” everything she cooks, leading to meals like garnished yam, garnished Eba, and more recently, garnished water, which she inappropriately labeled “Pepper-soup”. Thank Orunmila that he gave all of us in that house strong stomachs… If not…

So what can be done to control the pride and vanity that lives and breeds in our society?

@OlaToxic: University of Lagos should be closed.

*congregation gasps* *@Kemmiiii faints*

I’m saying the truth. All that school breeds is a bunch of arrogant and vain numb-skulls. They do not know anything apart from going to parties and acting like demented beavers. They are so incredibly haughty and vain. Merely standing at the bus park and seeing they way they act and dress is just sad. I remember seeing a girl that wore an abortion belt on a traditional attire. TF? The social structure in that school just leads them to forget their studies and put all their efforts into becoming Soup or Stars. All I’m saying is, the school has lost its purpose.

Wana: Tokunbo, what have you been watching? You do have a point though… Anyone else

@SlevinCalevra: Self-restraint. We should always try to be able to calm down and look at the big picture. If my Uncle Moammar was able to control himself and weigh the options, he might be alive now. He should have known he was fighting a losing battle and dumped his pride and gone into hiding. But no, he decided to die! To die! *wails and starts sobbing* We might have gone shopping for correct sun-shades this afternoon, but no! He’s gone! Gone!

@Sirkastiq: I’m always here for you bro. *passes handkerchief*

Wana: True. But it is not easy to develop self-restraint. And the more pride one develops, the harder it is to stop it.

Pride is a good emotion in rare cases, but can be destructive in most cases. Let us all try to be humble. Don’t pour hot soup on a girl because she said no to you in public. Don’t dedicate your life to destroying someone else’s life because the person k’d your tweet. Let us live a humble life like mine.

Closing prayer?

@TheFakeEsse: Thank you Obatala, for allowing us witness another divine morning from the man you’ve inspired. Please bless him abundantly. Bless him with a good girl like me so that I can impact on his life sexually, spiritually and sexually. And bless all the people that come here out of joblessness, may they find something useful out of this mess. Thank you for answering our prayers.

Congregation: Amen!!!

Wana: All of you can now head back to your packets. Lest I forget, Christmas is in 8 days. If you don’t want to join Hitler and Moammar in Ogbomosho, please bring Christmas gifts when next you’re coming.

Good bye.