Sono venuto. I came.

How did I come?

I came, in every sense possible. I sincerely hope I’m not making sense.

It’s been a while since I just opened a new post and wrote freely, without a topic in mind. All these foolish series that someone has been doing has made me forget why I opened this blog. To rant.

I hear whispers. “What is a rant?”, they say. I shall explain. You buy a copy of Rihanna’s Rated R album, then you put an ant on top of it. Thus giving you a Rated Rant, or simply a Rant.

That was dumb, right? Whatever… That album was dope though… #TeamRihanna #TeamExtraLargeForehead

Sono venuto. I came.

I’m serving at the Ministry of Health in Ogun State. That place is the Boredom capital of Nigeria. To all you people that whine daily about Africa Magic, I believe you haven’t been forced to watch OGTv for 2 straight hours. Just 2 hours, and I couldn’t remember my middle name… If I didn’t run away when I did, my brain cells would have probably undergone necrosis and my skull would be empty by now… No wonder Abeokuta people act so dumb…

One upside to my pathetic life as a Corper is that there are fine girls in my place of work. According to the Law of Noticing which states that “A uglier person notices a prettier or more handsome person before the latter notices them”, the girls noticed me first and have been giving me eye ever since. But my heart belongs to Moin-Moin, and have thus desisted from setting P with any of them.

Sono venuto. I came.

Due to the annoying levels of boredom, my activity on Twitter has increased. Which in my opinion is a bad thing. The people there now scare me. I heard rumors about a guy who’s having an extra year in University of Lagos just because he refused his H.O.D.’s daughter’s request of a follow-back…

Shii just got real….

Twitter opened my eyes to the most in-demand commodity among Nigerian youths. Nope, not Moin-Moin. And neither is it the Blackberry Porsche (I am going to dedicate a whole blogpost to this madness called Blackberry Porsche). It’s Attention.


Y’all are hungry for that shii. Y’all are just a bunch of degenerate, lonely, twisted human beings who would do anything to get noticed, from spending years on Google searching for funny tweets, to using nauseating nude pictures of your irritating body, to opening new blogs.

Terdoh Dara Bendega, that sub was directed at you. It will find you, even if you changed Universes. It will find you. And hit you. And kill you. Terd isn’t lonely though… He has a girl-friend… Should I spill?

Nah… That’s another Moin-Moin for another day…

Sono venuto. I came.

Talking about new blogs though… I see a lot of links sent to me in my Twitter mentions, asking me to read, comment share. I read these posts, comment if my network is alright, and I always retweet them. Yes, I’m careful to avoid hurting some people’s feelings. But a word of advice for new bloggers: Read.

Read the works of others before you. There is nothing you want to write on that someone isn’t writing on already, be it comedy, fashion, entertainment or sports. I wouldn’t be as legendary as I am (if them born any of una well, make the person yimu. Sanponna will use your destiny to rinse boxers) if I didn’t read the blogs before me. I would be lying if I said I never got some funny tips from Terdoh’s or Father Sushey’s blog. Or if I said I never learnt new words from Bukunmi’s blog. Of if I said I never adapted my writing style after reading KevinWithAnL’s blog. The list is endless.

It might be that I have a poor sense of humor, or that most of these new blogs are pathetic. Read blogs like DeoluBubble’s blog. Ifunanya’s blog. Tokunbo’s blog. Read and understand how the elite of Blogsville do it.

I purposely didn’t put the links to these epic blogs because I’m not that kind. Look for them yourself if you really need them. Nothing good comes easy.

Sono venuto. I came.

12 days ago, I left my teenage life. I became a Man. I feel so old 😦 … I miss being a teenager. Back then all I had to worry about was my grades in school and the English Premiership. Now I have to think about fuel, diapers, house rent, money for soup, clothes for children, and so many other annoying things.

Being an adult sucks.

My music orientation has even entered a phase sef… The most played songs on my phone over the last month are records by Frank Sinatra, The Beatles, Barbra Streisand, Kenny Rogers and Phil Collins… I’m listening to old music 😦

Sono venuto. I came.

That reminds me… None of you even gave me a birthday gift 😦 I hate y’all so much right now… Even Sally didn’t remember me… To think I loved her… And still love her sef… *wipes tears*

And that’s how they will start looking for who Sally is… Jobless people…

In the event that you find her, please tell her that I’m still waiting.

Give me a moment please… *kneels down and thanks God* Thank you for making me able to write, Baba. This blog is still the most valuable P-setting weapon in my Arsenal, sorry… Scratch that… Manchester United… Arsenal is too useless a club for me to mention them in a blog this valuable.

Sono venuto. I came.

This post/rant was supposed to be an Erotica. I expect everyone reading this to moan and have an orgasm whenever they see “Sono venuto. I came.”

I actually haven’t gone yet, but I didn’t use “I have come” because that would imply that I’m just arriving. No. I came a long time ago, and I’m not leaving anytime soon.

The Bawse is back.

My fingers are beginning to hurt (Someone please buy me a Laptop!), and thus I shall wrap this post up. My Momsie will be celebrating her 13th birthday on February 29th 2012, and your gifts are very much welcome.

I’m older than my Mom… Gosh, I am so awesome B-)

This was another Public Service Rant. Thank you for reading.

Have a wonderful February.

P.S.: I didn’t write this. My hands did.