*enters shrine*

Wana: Wow… The dust covering my holy house is enormous… That is not allowed…I have to call service today…

*sends message via calabash to all members*

3 seconds later…

Wana: Settle down please… Hope you haven’t forgotten your sitting arrangements… Babcock and Covenant students, please move to the back of the shrine… Thank you…

@TweetMeistar: But Wana… That’s not fair… It’s not our fault we attend private universities na… After writing JAMB unsuccessfully for seven years, I had to take what I could find…

Wana: I understand your plight, but still move to the back.

Welcome to another opportunity to learn from me, your humble priest. I apologize for the depriving you all of knowledge for so long. I’ve been very busy with some pressing issues, and I don’t have a pressing iron. 😦

*scans crowd*

Well then, since we’re all seated, let’s start off today’s service. Anybody want to give us our opening prayer?

@vIXEnpIXie: Thank you God for allowing us to come together to witness yet another display of knowledge from High Priest Wana. Dear God, please make me a Twitter Celeb, and a Blogsville legend. And bless all the people here so that they can follow me. Amen.

Wana: Oyin… I see what you did there… It’s between me and you…

Today, we shall be discussing the fifth deadly sin, Envy. Bukunmi-tionary, are you ready?

@Rhaiharnah: *clears throat* Envy, also called invidiousness, is best defined as a resentful emotion that occurs when a person lacks another’s perceived superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.

Wana: Thank you dearie. I think that was simple enough… If you didn’t understand that, then Brother, you have issues.

Envy is what we commonly refer to as jealousy, though they are slightly different. And as we all though, jealousy is a very bad emotion. Who can tell us what leads to envy?

@Terdoh: Comparison. When you begin to compare yourself with other people and begin to notice what they have that you don’t, you tend to become all envious and shii… And this leads to a lot of anger and destructiveness and a whole lot of evil deeds.

Wana: Wow… Terdoh I’m impressed… It’s either your new girlfriend is treating you right or you’re on a steady Moin-Moin diet… Which is it?

@Terdoh: Oh shut up, bitch.

Wana: Hehehehe… I’m still gonna spill… Watch me 😛

The wise ones before me have said that Envy is the most potent cause of unhappiness. The moment you begin to envy someone else’s life and wish you were in their shoes, you have immediately used your happiness to roast plantain, ’cause your soul will be burnt and black and you’ll never feel good about yourself.

@Sirkastiq: But Wana, envy isn’t always a bad thing. A person with the right mind-set can channel the envy in a good way to use it to push himself to attain those heights.

Wana: Wonderful point, Saka. Let me tell you a story.

When I started my blog, I had about 3 subscribers in the early days. Then I stumbled upon Terdoh’s blog and saw that the black idiot had about 80 subscribers. I was jealous as fuck. Then I started my 30-day Challenge and since then I’ve had loads of subscribers. As at now I have 83 WordPress subscribers. Somebody give Moin-Moin a big hand!!!!

*Congregation cheers*

But not everybody has the ability to turn envy into a positive something. Can anyone give examples of what happens when one’s envy gets the better of one?

@0Toxic: Yes. It can lead to stealing. For example when a Unilag girl sees her friends wearing fine jeggings or eating at KFC or using Blackberry Bold 5 and Porsches, she will start devising ways to steal such items or the money need to buy them so she can feel among… Bloody hoes…

*Kemmiiii enters*

@Kemmiiii: Wana, sorry I’m late… I was shopping for some new jeggings… Have I missed much? What’s today’s topic?

Wana: The topic is Envy, and no, you haven’t missed much. *gives @0Toxic side eye*

@OToxic: *heaves sigh of relief*

Wana: Any other examples?

@DJNiro_: Yes. Malignant cases of envy can lead to more dangerous crimes like rape and murder. For example, a man married to a boobless girl might be envious of the man married to Cossy and might rape her so as to enjoy what the man is enjoying, or kill her so that neither of them will have her.

Wana: Brothers in the house, may God not allow us marry boobless women.

*Congregation shouts Amen, @TheFakeEsse sobs*

Don’t cry, Ify… God (and lots of moin-moin) will make you bigger.

So, how can we stop envy in our society?

@SlevinCalevra: Social casting, or sorting. Don’t allow poor people to mix with the rich ones. Don’t allow a Volkswagen Beetle to park near a Maybach. Don’t allow N20 condoms to be sold near $64 condoms. Don’t allow Ajegunle people to attend schools like Lead City University. Don’t allow ordinary men mix with Immortals like myself. Don’t allow whack rappers like Ill-Bliss rap near good lyricists like Vector. If they can’t see the things that would make them envious, there would be no envy.

Father Sush has spoken. You may all sit down now.

Wana: Thank you Larry.

Prayer is, and will always be the number solution to any problem you have. If you can’t be contented with what you have, then work hard. Instead of fantasizing about your neighbour’s big-breasted wife, work hard so you can have enough money for a breast enlargement for your own wife.

I want to thank the Almighty for bringing us to the end of another service and for given me the opportunity to once again, impart knowledge into the empty skulls seated in front of me. May He bless and continue to protect us.

Now all of you, get the fuck out of my shrine. @TheCrankySmurf, wait behind. We have a particular letter of the alphabet to set on the floor.

*****

When I was proof-reading this, this blog decided it would be right to thank all those that have subscribed to it. In a way you’ve been the oil that kept this it’s engine running, and the blog (not me) is entire grateful to y’all.

PlaybookUtunu has shown it’s appreciation. Not Wana.

Why would a gangsta Immortal like me be thankful to mere humans like y’all?

Please. *walks into the sunset* *runs back*… Shii is still hot mehn… *stares blankly at screen*

What are you still reading?

Run away jor!

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