Just before you start reading, I want you to know that everything written here was written by my co-author Niro, not me.
My mind is not this corrupt.
#NP: Papi – Fine boy drama
*This post is intended for educational purposes only.
*Before reading make sure the environment is devoid of any form of lubricants, soaps, petroleum jelly etc. PlaybookUtunu won’t be held responsible for a feeling of frustration, so go ahead and give a head 🙂
*Whilst every effort has been made to ensure that this post is gbagaun free and all rants are accurate, Playbookutunu won’t be held liable for any error which may occur
**Well that’s not bad for a disclaimer**
Well if you came here hoping to get an anatomy lecture on the part of the body above your head… Well you’re not very wrong *na the same spelling* but we’re actually referring to head when used as a slang *google that*
The issue of sexual satisfaction especially when it comes to giving/receiving head is something that has ended many relationships; even before some of them started… *well, obviously everybody can’t sound philosophical* but before we proceed enjoy a little flashback *insert May D – Sound track*
“Lisa had been my female best friend for over a year and everytime the issue of sex came up, all she did was sigh. Don’t get me wrong here, Lisa was really pretty, the type that you see on the way and lose control; perfect hips, dark skinned, udi hills on her chest and the rest I leave to your imagination. *I wonder how I’ve been able to resist the allure of making out and grabbing those Titi’s namesakes*.
She had a good-looking guy as a boyfriend and he was looked like someone that had A+ in the bedroom, so I was pretty sure she was getting some action *coughs*. So I didn’t see any reason why she would be frustrated or angry at the dude until that faithful Friday night…
Tony had travelled back home to Abuja to visit his parents and as usual Lisa had to hit the club as it was boring at the two bedroom flat she shared with two of her secondary school classmates who had also gone into town to spend the weekend, so the next person she would ask for company had to be yours truly. *not like I couldn’t say no, but the urge to be close to such a beau won’t be rejected even by same sex practitioners*
As soon as my phone rang, and I saw the caller ID I knew my weekend was made, why I felt that way, I didn’t know but then I had to answer nature’s call. So I hurriedly took a shower, grabbed some money and my car keys and in 30 minutes I was in front of her door. I knocked.
As I heard the door latch unlock, my heart raced faster than Michael Schumacher in a Ferrari F1 racecar. In front of me was Lisa clad in only a towel and shower cap, *it was obvious she just came out of the shower cos she still had water on her chest (well, that’s why I saw first :)*
I took in a deep breath and as I entered the room, the only thing that came to my head were the words of Martin Luther: Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed” and then the voice of reason; Okafor’s law! I can’t remember what happened after that but I know I said something about her oppressive assets and the next thing that followed was, “You’ve decided to be oppressed by them”. That statement sent instant shivers down south and as she stood there combing her hair, it must have been Okafor that was working in me because I didn’t know when I grabbed her boobs from behind *I didn’t want to be oppressed na* and in no time the towel hit the floor and there she was, in all her glory and womanhood clad in just underwear. I didn’t need to google “how to unlock a bra in 6 seconds” cos in the twinkle of an eye her back was on the bed and I became a 5 month old baby, suckling on her boobs like a shell rig drilling for oil in the Niger delta *sigh*
I must have done so good a job on the boobs, because when I felt her hand on my head pushing me down south she was trembling and muttered some sweet nonsense that ended with the title of Vector’s song,”Get down”. It was as if her world was coming to end as I glided my tongue from in between her boobs all the way down to her belly button in a way that made her moan like a drunk that just gulped a chilled bottle of premium lager beer before making my final journey to the heart of south making her body do a full jerk move and a call to worship, “finish it up”.
Like a chairman, I gently parted her legs in opposite direction to give me a clear view of my ‘food’ and fingered the food a little went straight to kissing and licking her thighs before entering the ‘zone’ tongue first sucking and licking her clit from side to side like a windscreen wiper with some additional ‘chewing’ sending her to heaven and back in less than 132 seconds :).
I changed to a circular motion, went up and down and finally pressed my whole mouth and ‘ate’ the naughty puss raw before I heard the last of the trilogy… “Come inside”… And in another split second I had condom on and dug in like I had struck oil 🙂
So much for a flashback err? And back to our feature story… There’s no definite procedure to follow when giving head, but the following should act as guides when travelling south;
1. Make sure she’s relaxed… You don’t want to enter there when she’s about to pass out urine ¯\(͡๏̯͡๏)/¯
2. This is the only place that slow and steady wins the race, go slow and don’t take her by surprise so you don’t start and she jerks thus leaving off some flesh in your teeth
3. If you have sharp beards, depending on the lady in question, be fully shaved except you have an Osama kind of beard. [*side note* some ladies love the sensation full beards give when the tongue is working out]
4. Talk to her, know what she wants if not you might have urine in your face the next minute ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ )
5. I usually suggest a flat surface, but any position that feels comfortable with both of you is very okay 🙂
6. Be an Uche Okafor, gentle giant when you go down there. Take it easy especially at the onset.
7. Watch out for the vaginal opening on the outer lips of the vagina and the hooded clitoris above it. Research has shown that these are the most pleasurable areas to stimulate, and are the key to giving the best head.
8. Running a tongue in and out of the pleasure zone might feel good for a moment but with time you need a more sensual approach to send her from ‘edge’ to 3G *BB users take note*
9. There’s that one called ‘clitoris’, don’t hurry there; its a trap. Its like cooking indomie before removing the sachet; instead work your way to it and create a statement.
10. Leave that magician track by Ice fish, the only way to give a good head is by knowing the spots that rock a babe, every girl is different. *Emphasis on different*
You liked what you read? Then…
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*strolls out in blue filthy boxers*™