Wana: *clears throat*

Good day, my beloved congregation.

Welcome to the last sermon on The Deadly Sins. I hope that I have been able to do a Xavi and pass knowledge onto you, and hope that you’ve been able to do a Messi and receive the pass. I want to thank you all for your offerings in the comment box, and as you know, everyone loves a cheerful giver (Okafor’s rule, 1994). May God bless you all and increase your sperm count and delay your menopause.

*congregation choruses “Amen”*

Today I shall be enlightening your darkened, moin-moinless minds about the seventh and last deadly sin, Wrath.

@Rinolee: I never really liked the guy jor. Na always bullshit im dey yarn.

Wana: Sorry, Amir. What did you say?

@Rinolee: Oga Wana, you put padded bra for ear? I say I no like the guy!

@deaduramilade: But Amir, what guy are you talking about?

@Rinolee: Roth na. Asher Roth. No be who Bros Wana say we dey analyze today?

Ice Prince: This Amir guy go just dey fall hand like say im surname na Folawiyo.

@HomeSchooldNerd: Amir, on a serious note, no 2A, you too dey embarrass us. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, just keep quiet.

@Rinolee: *angrily* Wetin sef? Na only una know book? Una go just dey open mouth dey yab person anyhow. I don vex sef! Fuck y’all! I dey commot!

Wana: Bye-bye, Brother Amir. Please do a Drake and take care.

Ice Prince: But una too dey yab for this place. Na Yaba them born all of una?

Wana: Idiot. On to today’s sermon. Can someone define anger for us?

@rhaiharnah: Wrath, or Anger, is an emotion related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged or denied and a tendency to undo that by retaliation.

Wana: *opens eyes* I’m going to miss these mental orgasms. But given the amount of Amir-like people in the congregation, I’m afraid we’ll need a simpler definition. Anybody?

@tobismyth: Wrath na when person dey Para. When him carry book dey read from first Paragraph, but him no understand the Parameters. Him go come go put earphone for ear dey hear Paramore, car go come jam am for road then him go come go Paradise.

Ice Prince: Pararararara… Porororororo…

Wana: *sigh*

Wrath, as Bukunmi said earlier, is the emotion we have when we feel that we have been offended or have been wrongly treated. It can also result from jealousy and envy. This emotion is sinful and dangerous and can lead to a lot of evil things.

@SlevinCalevra: But Brother Wana, stay calm first. Anger isn’t necessarily a bad emotion or a sin. At times, we need to angry to be do some things which need to be done. You don forget that time wey Bros J para for those niggas wey turn Church to Kantangowa bend-down market? You no remember how e take use Lui Kang push their table commot? Na Para make am do am oh.

Wana: Hmmm… Father Sush just like to dey counter me like say him dey work for bank…

Yes, in that situation, Anger was not a sin. But then, how many of us can channel our anger towards positive things? Don’t forget that Bros J was a special kind of bad guys. You think say na beans to turn water to Grey Goose?

Who can tell us other bad effects of Anger?

@Dhamyhan: Anger can have impacts on the body, increasing heart rate, blood pressure, levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline.

Ice Prince: If you eat food that was cooked with Knorr while wearing Adire, you’ll become lean. Noradrenaline.

Wana: Security, please kindly escort the Patron Saint of Whack Lines out of the premises. Thank you.

One of the main reasons why wrath is such an evil emotion is what happens after you feel the anger. When we feel anger, the next thing we feel is the need or desire to retaliate. To repay he who we feel has done us wrong in his own coin. Let me tell you a story.

In my 2nd year in University, I wrote a test in a course, PHS 201. I was asked a question that went thus: “Discuss the Cell membrane.” For a question that seemed so straight-foward, I drew 2 diagrams and wrote almost 4 pages of “stuff”. At the end of the day, I got 2.5 marks out of 10 in that test.

I felt pained. I felt I had performed so well in that test, I should’ve gotten at least 8marks in that test. I was so angry, the only thought I had in mind was to kidnap the lecturer, ram her vagina with a NEPA pole, set fire to her face, slit her major arteries, mutilate her body, then cook the pieces and give it to beggars.

Now imagine if I had done so. Will I be here right now? I’ll probably will be playing Ludo with Ibori (I’m too tush to be put in a Nigerian prison.)

But thanks to prayer and lots of Moin-Moin, I was able to contain my anger and thus am able to share my infinite wisdom with you all. Remember, if it could work for me, then it can work for you.

Remember God in all you do, eat lots of Moin-Moin, and all will be well with you.

Good-bye, my sheep, and may the Almighty be with you.

*****

Yaaaay!!! I haff finish another series again!!! I’m so good at this shii, I should own channel 110.

See me tooting my horn like my name is Adetutu… It’s not easy 😀

Thanks for reading, y’all. Comment, subscribe and get the fuck out.

Till I send you the link again.

#AlutaContinua.

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