*singing B.o.B’s Magic with mouth full of Moin-Moin*

“I got the magic in me… Every time you open my blog, your browser turns into gold…”

Sup y’all?

It has been quite a while since I ranted, and I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t lost my Touch. The phone has been annoying me since…

So what’s good nah?

*stares blankly at phone*

Rants never start well. *sigh*

This particular rant has a subject though (see post title), but before I get into that, I know you all have been dying to know how I’ve been.

I’ve been awesome!!! *Jacob Black grin*

Yes… That reminds me… *stands up* *clears throat*

Good day, everybody. My name is Mayowa George, and I’m a Twilight addict.

OMG!!! That shii is so fuckin’ awesome… *hyperventilates* *calms down*

I stole a hardcover copy of Breaking Dawn from my darling bitch @Kemmiiii, but I didn’t want to get lost, so I had to go see the movie of Twilight, and read PDF versions of New Moon and Eclipse.

Harry Potter is about to be displaced as my favorite book series ever.

Twilight has a little more action than J.K. Rowling’s books, and a lot more romance. It’s like Stephenie Meyer combined the Underworld trilogy and A Cinderella Story. The effect is just… Moin-Moiny.

*sigh*

What else in new in my life?

I’m now a columnist for 360nobs. I don’t want to spoil all the fun by letting the pussy out of the pant (or is it bag?), but y’all should expect something major. #NuffSaid.

I’m relying on the support y’all have been showing me since the inception of this muthafucker. Loads of things won’t have been possible without all you bitches.

Thanks y’all.

*deletes previous line*

A gangsta never shows gratitude. *pops collar like Eric Cantona*

Ice Prince: We don’t drink Gulder. We only drink Star in my gang, that’s why we’re gangstas.

I wonder when I’ll stop picking on Ice Prince… Nigga isn’t as bad as you people make him out to be… Magician is even one of the most played tunes on my phone.

*looks at Bukunmi* So Baby let me do you like a Magician… *looks away*

*sigh*

Onto the subject of my rant.

Magic.

I’ve been in Abeokuta for roughly 5 months, and I’ve seen things. Please raise your hand if you’ve seen ice blocks fall from the sky.

Nobody?

Guessed as much.

I’m normally not a superstitious person, but I’ve seen a lot of things that have made me really respect the fact that magic, or jazz/juju (like razz folks like @Rinolee call it) exists and is all around us.

Defense, please bring forward your exhibits.

Exhibit A: Didier Drogba.

This nigga is the epitome of jazz. His babalawo, until the emergence of Demba Ba’s and Papis Cisse’s babalawo, was the uncontested king of African Magic. Ever since the moment the Ivorian striker set foot in Stamford bridge, his babalawo has been whipping up potion after potion to ensure Didier Drogba was the best African striker of his time.

Unconfirmed sources have even proved that his real name is Didiyemi Aderogba, and that he was, in fact, born in Sagamu, Ogun State, which is the juju capital of Nigeria.

Ever since Didier Drogba became a Chelsea player, no other striker has been as successful as him. Of which, the list has been impressive. We’re talking attackers like:

Adrian Mutu, Herman Crespo, Ricardo Quaresma, Majeta Kezman, Claudio Pizarro, Andriy Shevchenko (a Ballon d’Or winner), Alhaji Anelka (whose constant prayers helped him shine a bit) and the moin-moin nylon that they bought for 50 million pounds.

We haven’t even started.

Another proof of his extensive use of juju is Didier Drogba’s strength. This nigga is 35 years old, and he uses his chest to control goal-kicks.

Do you know how the amount of force a ball comes to the ground when it’s kicked with that much force and it is pulled down by another force (gravity)?

Nigga doesn’t bother about rib fractures and shii… No wonder Abeokuta boys call him “1000 Chests”.

*sigh*

For those who aren’t familiar with football, let me introduce you to Nemanja Vidic.

Nemanja Vidic is a 30-year old (5 years younger than Drogba) Serbian, who is the captain and plays central defense for Manchester United. Serbians, due to their paranormal strength, are playfully regarded as relatives of the Spartans.

Now, let me give you a fun fact: Whenever both sides meet, Didier Drogba bullies Nemanja Vidic with ease.

I say no more.

Defense, second exhibit please.

Exhibit B: The Samsung Galaxy S III.

I stopped trying to figure out technology a long time ago. I stopped trying to understand how I could speak into a small piece of plastic and someone miles away would hear me. I stopped trying to figure out how the Internet worked.

Some weeks ago, I was browsing the features of the Samsung Galaxy S III, and I saw something that caught my eye.

Samsung was planning on introducing a “wireless charger”.

I was too dazed to scream.

I’ve never been a gadget freak (my heart belongs to Moin-Moin and Isabella Swan), but come on!!! A wireless charger?

This reeks of one word. Magic. Magic. Loads of Magic.

How will electric current supposed to charge my battery fly through the air to enter my phone? Abi the bars go do Pole Vault from the charger to my battery? When did charging my phone become an Olympic event?

You cannot tell me this does not smell of a white babalawo’s handiwork.

Look around. Magic is everywhere.

Be careful. Be safe.

Crucio!

*insert Voldemort laugh* *walks away feeling like Samurai Jack after he just used the toilet*

P.S.: Moin-Moin was supposed to be exhibit A, but I promised to write it as a full-length post for @FrankUgo_, so go stalk his blog.

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