Now playing: Rita Ora(cle) – R.I.P ft Tinnie Tempah

First of all,

Question: What is International relations? (70 marks)

Answer: This is a situation where a lady has slept with at least one diplomat/ambassador from every continent.

Forget every other definition you’ve heard, that’s the official definition for this class 😐 and yes, this has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.


Aloha comrades we are here once again at the federal public of Playbookutunu to give a heartwarming sermon on the importance of hard work.

This post is not a sub(liminal) to Nigeria’s federal child or anything of that nature, neither is it an attack on Nigerian civil servants. Not yet 🙂

Those of you in final year of tertiary education who haven’t thought of where you want to earn your salaries and for those of you, federal ‘pikins’, that are having the time of your life serving this great nation, remember that you’ll have that privilege for only one year… One year of patriotic and diligent service to your fatherland, but, it will surely come to an end. *because all good things must come to an end*

But before it comes to an end, I have taken the pains, to scavenge for the truth. This journey took me the whole of 120 hours, traversing a total length of 330km and 219 passes at some ladies in blue *Go figure*.

Before your “youth” service time comes to an end, it would be very thoughtful of you to bear it in mind, where you’ll spend your life till you’re 60 especially those of you who don’t have a any skill in shooting; shooting balls, shooting guns or shooting something else that has to be shot *or shoot* :p. I HAVE A BETTER OFFER FOR YOU!!!

*Chants some magical incantations*

And I present to you, the NIGERIAN CIVIL SERVICE!!!


Just so you are kept aBREAST of what I’m talking about I’m going to ask someone from the congregation to give us a definition of the Nigerian Civil service.

*Points at @IamMrBB*

Yes give us an apt definiton of the civil service.

@IamMrBB: The Nigerian Civil Service consists of employees in Nigerian government agencies other than the military. Most employees are career civil servants in the Nigerian ministries, progressing based on qualifications and seniority.

*drinks premium edition of Saka’s chilled zobo*

Well that’s enough for an “apt definition” so I wouldn’t need to go further other than the fact that there civil servants and there are public servants. Find out the difference for yourself 😐
Moving on, can anyone here, from the above definition, list out some government agencies.

@Cumical: Nigerian Communication Satellite (NIGCOMSAT)

@djbomzy: National Pension Commission PenCom

@Sirkastiq: Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN)

@iam_Davido: The Nigerian Mopol 😐

@ElRufai: Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)

@JamesIbori: Nigeria Prisons Service (NPS)

@Iyanya: Federal Aviation Authority of Nigeria (FAAN)

@JGoodlucktweets: Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC)

@Kemmiiii: National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control (NAFDAC)

@JamesNdu: National Space Research Development Agency (NASRDA)

@SPERIE_: National Poverty Eradication Programme (NAPEP)

@Osi_Suave: National Examination Council (NECO)

*dishes out one DKB slap to each respondent*

Well said guys, especially those who mentioned the police, PHCN and EFCC, God go make una bigger, but no body mentioned any agency or parastatal in the judiciary?

To cut long story short, if you get any job offer in any of the above listed agencies, count yourself luckier than Goodluck because jobs aren’t easy to come by in this country. Add that to the fact that you would enjoy certain privileges that cannot be found in the private sector. Now let’s take a cursory look at this sublime benefits ;

1. If you’re lucky, free accommodation in an estate without flowing water, stagnant gutters etc

2. Flexibility: This is the best part of being a civil servant; you can go to work at 10am and still close at 3pm and collect your June salary at the end of September.

3. Rest: Yes I said this, you can always rest at work and by rest, I don’t mean resting your head on the table, I mean taking a full length nap during working hours *bliss*

4. Rewards: well, you get a bucket of rice at the end of every year for sleeping on duty and for coming late. Isn’t that awesome?

5. If you’re smart enough, you can earn you salary as Ciroma Chukwuma and Chukwuma Ciroma. Talk about working as a ghost – multitasking things.

6. Ever heard of the human resource jargon, Annual Performance Appraisal? Well, that shii doesn’t apply to you. Thank me later

7. Revenge: This is even a sweeter part of being a civil servant, you can punish that your village kinsman who refused to buy beer at mama Caro’s shop by delaying his file for years. Talking about Car-ma.

8. Easy access to crayfish and smoked fish: If you’ve not being to an office in Rivers, Bayelsa, Edo or Delta states, you won’t understand this. You don’t have to bother yourself with going to the market to get good smoked fish or crayfish, because there’s always a ready retailer who would take the pains of climbing the staircase to supply any amount of fish required to make that smashing Egusi soup or banga soup.

9. Easy access to credit facilities: You see as a civil servant, you can always take the above goods on credit. Why? Because you’re sure you won’t wake up one morning and there’s an sms waiting to notify you that you’ve been sacked. The government doesn’t even know what bulk sms is sef… Talk about two in one, job security and credit facilities.

10. You don’t need to ask for bribes. You’re always offered without even asking, isn’t it God good? Well, at least nobody does a sting operation on your sorry self without getting into trouble himself. Go figure.

There you go, 10 of the billion reasons to work for the civil service of Nigeria. And if you still don’t understand why I said before sixty; you should be grateful to God that you now know that “official retirement age” for civil servants is 60. 🙂 Effico abi? You’re welcome.

Entertaining, boring, funny or irrelevant. What’s your opinion? Use the comment box and leave your opinions below.

Don’t forget to subscribe to this blog and follow @DJNIRO_ on twitter. I’m sure to follow back too 🙂

I finally broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years, Jasmine. She was a good laptop but then there was another girl, the HP ENVY SLEEK BOOK, which costs only $599.99 🙂 and her sister the all-new MICROSOFT SURFACE. Well, a trustfund has been opened to facilitate my acquisition of this beauties. 🙂


All twitter handles posted here are a figment of the “writer’s” imagination and do not represent the views of the owners of the aforementioned instruments.

All gbagauns are to be treated as honest mistakes except where stated otherwise.