Now playing: Flo Rida – Good feeling

*Announcer comes on stage, grabs mic*

Good day ladies and gentlemen and welcome once again to the Madison Square garden, venue of tonight’s challenge. In the blue corner weighing 130 pounds, from Port Harcourt, south of Nigeria… Ladies, its Niro!!!

*applause* announcer continues

And in the red corner, weighing 65kg, with a record of 15-0 and 8 KO’s, ladies and gentlemen I present to you… […Cut]

*’NEPA takes light’* jolts back to reality.

My people, how una dey today. Na today be day 6 for this plenty tori wey I don dey talk since on sunday. Today story na about how I go take spend 30 million naira if I win am for lottery or if Mazi sell himself to oyinbo people make dem give me the money.

Make una no vex say na pidgin I dey use o, because as you see me so, I be like civil servant wey never collect salary… I no send you. Afterall, all those boys wey dey sing music dem dey use pidgin dey sing and una go run go buy dem music for HiTunes and then when I wan talk my mind… Una go dey yimu -____-

So as I been dey talk before the cockroach jump commot from my cupboard. I been wan talk wetin I go do with30 million naira if by omission or commission, I get alert for my Nokia Kpalasa.

First thing I go as country man wey I be, na to buy generator. Why? E be like say craze don catch you wey you dey ask me that kind of queshion. Shey you no know say for this world say na when electric dey for your city like dem obodo oyinbo country, dat na when you go fit be correct bobo? Imagine when babe come your house and you want do the do but you no fit enter jerusalem because you no dey see road to put your something inside. That one no be waste of money? Especially when you don carry the babe flex the whole area. *sigh* bad thing no dey happen to good man. Mbok, I go buy gen even though na ‘I pass my neighbour’… At all, at all na him bad pass. No be me talk am, dem don talk am since the time of Gringory anyabuka 1 of ikot ekpene.

Second thing I go do with 30 million na to find small thing take hold my side. As oyinbo people call am, I go become entrepreneur. That one mean say, I go start my own company. Then I go come employ plenty people and then everybody go happy. For the company, I go come dey do all this my graphic design and nobody go ask me for free design again! I go charge only shikilli money and my workers go dey smile like say dem wan enter closeup advert.

You know say behind every successful man, na woman dey him back. Problem na say all the girls dem go choose successful man. So make cunny man for bury cunny man, I go set up panel wey go review all the girls dem wey dey find me. I no fit wake up one day and yawa don gas. God forbid bad thing.

As we dey go, 30 million no be small thing o. So make the money for no waste, I go buy small shares for kasapreko. You no know them? People wey dey do Alomo? Kai! You dey carry last noni. Oya take your new lastma uniform. For this country, truth na something wey scarce pass wisdom for mazi brain so, I dey invest in the truth.

Still on the matter, my pikin call me bad papa this morning sake of say I no give am money for school fees. So make e for no happen again, I go start trustfund for them, so that when I move ahead go where my papa dey, dem no go get wahala.

I go buy shares for any bank wey get better standings for stock fish market. That na say make pepper for still rest tomorrow… Unto legit matters.

Depend on the area, I go buy one small house for one corner for Bonny island then use wetin remain travel go see the world. E don tey I wan do this thing. My bros for blogsville talk say South America girls them fit make you lose your sense of erection, sorry sense of direction. I must to see that continent utunu. I no come this world to come snap pishurr for dp.

But make we dey more for real world. If I get 30 million naw now, I go start to learn how to make all this clothes wey footballers and people wey dey do sports dey wear. Why? You dey dull? For Nigeria, all the football clubs no get better jersey, so if na only me start to dey do jersey, automatically that one don turn me to government contractor o. Sake of say most of the clubs, na government dey sponsor them. I go come become gbono cake.

If that one no succeed, I go jejely, go market buy plenty obodo oyinbo camera wey I go take dey use my talent like dem Clarence and DJ Tee. If you remember the story of the people wey get talent, me go put my own talent to good use.

Make we for no make this thing plenty, if I get money wey be like 30 million naira now, I go spend am! *Note: na spend I talk, no be chop*

Na so today service go carry end o, but before we go, make we call one of our chief priests to roundup service.

*Hands mic to @Prodeegy*

@Prodeegy: obtatanla, orisanla, sango ati bebelo, we don come to the close of yet another time wey be say we go hear nonsense from the mouth of this immortal one. Our prayer na say, as we dey go our house make nepa no take light, so I fit use the free internet wey Ayo give me and I no gree share with Niro. As today be friday so, baba, make we no meet any babe wey dey her period… At least make she tell us down.
You know say this 30 million easy to talk, so as we dey hear am so, make e reach everybody hand o. Make we no just hear, make we also spend


*Logs out*

Yay! I can read and write in pidgin english 🙂 please share your thoughts and don’t forget to check back tomorrow for closing plenary.