*looks at blog*
How are we?
Ramadhan Kareem to the every Muslim fasting. May God Almighty reward you.
*looks at plate of Moin-Moin* *looks away*
Today’s post is a continuation of the extremely useful series I’ve been doing. A Nigga hungry, so a Nigga can’t type much. Bear with a brother, no Yogi.
On today’s post, I shall be giving you perfectly sane reasons (I have come again) on why not to eat or have anything to do with Eba.
I see the Ibadan people are already getting agitated. Stay calm, and let a brother preach.
For those who do not know what Eba is, or are not used to it being called by it’s native name, Eba is a mixture of cassava flour and hot water. It originated in 178 B.C. when it was used to gum together the broken bones of wounded soldiers in the First Moin-Moin War. In the resulting famine that ensued after the war, the soldiers, while eating themselves, noticed it was quite tasty and from then on it became a meal.
Now, I shall proceed to tell you why this staple food is bad for you.
Perfectly Sane Reason 1: Violence.
Have you ever wondered why you can’t make Eba with cold water? Why must it be with hot, boiling water?
Research has proven that people who eat hot Eba (not like there’s such a thing as cold Eba) a lot have equally hot tempers. Have you seen a sister eat Eba before? There’s no gentle/posh way to eat it. You have to be angry to eat Eba. You have to unleash your inner Hulk to be able to put your hand forcefully into the bowl/plate and scoop out the Eba. *insert audio clip of Captain America telling the Hulk to “Scoop!”*
For those who want to counter this claim by saying they eat Eba with cutlery, just shut it. Y’all are as fake as Mazi Oracle’s brain. Some 3rd degree Aba shii.
We all know that God doesn’t want us being angry and violent. Remember it says in the Bible, “Blessed are the Meek (Mill, Rick Ross & Wale), for they shall inherit the heart.
#TeamMMG #TeamRichForever #TeamSelfMade
Perfectly Sane Reason 2: Medical Reasons.
Eba is the most dangerous meal known to mankind, after cold noodles. Eba is clumpy and causes coagulation of blood in the major blood vessels like the testicular arteries. This leads to poor sexual performance. Now you know why they call Yoruba boys “2-minute men”.
This nigga right here though, is a 6-hour man. Once I get in the bed, I’m good for 6 straight hours. I love my sleep. 😀
Eba’s “clumping effect” is also evident in the cells of the hypothalamus and the gametes. This may lead to your Cerebrospinal fluid to become cerebrospinal paste, and when you have sexual intercourse, instead of your semen to pour out of you external genitalia, you might have to scoop it out.
Sorry for the use of stupid lingo there. Just felt to rub it in your face that a nigga is a graduate of Human Anatomy.
Perfectly Sane Reason 3: Lack of Compatibility With Moin-Moin.
Eba is one of the very few food substances that cannot be eaten at the same time with Moin-Moin. And for this reason, it is considered by NAFDAC as “a vile food, fit only for vermin and the worst scum of the Earth.”
Any attempts to combine Eba and Moin-Moin, as first attempted by Louis Pasteur in 1819, will always end up disastrous. Imagine putting Odinabarbie in a Church Choir.
Perfectly Sane Reason Number 4: Evil.
The tools used in the preparation of Eba were made by the Devil. You will not hear of any evil deed in which the leaves used to fry Moin-Moin were used, or the frying pan used to fry Dodo was used. But we all know the sort of atrocities Covenant University girls commit with an Eba stick, or Omorogun, as those Ilorin people call it.
It’s time to break Le Fast, so a nigga gotta stop typing and go eat. See you next time a nigga has something to warn you about.