Now playing: Wana – Dodo Maybe

Its been a while I wrote anything here. No, don’t blame a brother, instead direct your grievances on Nigerian internet service providers who have left me discombobulated, and then the University of Benin for refusing to let us finish exams on time. But then, all that’s going to change after my final exams on Friday. ๐Ÿ™‚

Wana: Niro baba, but that is not why we are here, I graduated at 19, so stop showing your self here…


*Moving on*

The following rant has been approved for all audiences by the Moin-Moin Picture Association of Nigeria. All names, brands and trademarks are properties of their respective owners. Except otherwise stated.


Ever heard of that quote or saying, “No telephone to heaven?”… That includes Blackberry, iPhone, Galaxy et al. So brethren if you’re in possession of such earthly items, kindly put the pink copy in the box close to the church entrance. Moving on. >>>

And do you know I have Jesus as a contact on BBM? No? Well its either Jesus is now a contact or 89 of my contacts have multiple personality disorder. ๐Ÿ˜ But since I have sane contacts (or I think I have sane contacts) let’s say I have Jesus as a contact. ( ห˜ห˜ฬฏ)

I mean out of the blues, he just pinged me and was like:

โ€œSorry to disturb you!
My name is Jesus Christ, you hardly have time for me. I love You and always bless you. I am always with You. Today I want this message across the world before midnight,will you help? please do not cut it and I’ll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare meโ€

And I was like, Really??? So Jesus plays truth or dare? \(โ€พโŒฃโ€พ)/

So not willing to be LASTMA recruit, I set out to make my demand(s). So here’s what I sent him.

Dear Jisos,

Sorry to disturb you back, I know I hardly have time for you. Please bear with me, it is not because I don’t want to have your time, but then, you know it is over here, girls who won’t cover their mammary glands on their twitter avatar; telecom networks who won’t let my call go through because someone has used up N200 and is supposed to enjoy his N1000 bonus at the expense of we the faithful Nitel subscribers ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I really appreciate the fact that you Love me and you’ve been blessing me. I mean, I wasn’t even in Rick Ross’ “Hold me back” video. What am I not supposed to be grateful for? And look, after 5 months of enduring GTB’s terrible customer care, I finally got my debit card. *Rozay grunt*

I understand that you wanted your message to go across the world before midnight, and you’re all knowing, but I just wondered why it had to be sent through BBM broadcasts, why didn’t you make use the brand new iphone which is barely a month old or the even more popular 2go? Why? Why should some people have access to this news and a couple others left lurking in the dark? I’m just curious.

But then, I couldn’t send the message before midnight… I didn’t even send it at all due to a couple of reasons which I told you in my earlier letter. But as you can see, I have passed the message to over 3 million people via this blog, so can I now proceed to make my own demands? Yes? Thanksssssss \(โ€พโŒฃโ€พ)/

First of all, in all your mercy, you promised me 30 islands; a gulfstream jet; a bombardier; and those plenty of scantily dressed Caribbean beauties. You see J, I was wondering if I could get like 4 of those girls before the appointed time based on logistics. ๐Ÿ™‚

Your Son,

And to think bros J wouldn’t answer me… Here’s what I got:

Hello, I’m Jesus Christ. I noticed U have not been paying your tithes to the account I sent U, do U want new account number? I just opened in GTB.