Before I proceed, permit me to state the obvious fact that Chiddybang is just awesome.

Good day, people. Been a while since I made you come here. Hope your lips didn’t miss me too much.

#Sexual.

Thanks to all of you that nominated this blog during the nomination process of the Nigerian Blog Awards. Niro is really grateful to all of you. Wana, on the other hand, doesn’t really give a fuck.

Just kidding jor. You know I love y’all, yeah?

#Pause. When I say “y’all”, y’all know I’m talking to the girls, yeah? I’m not gay. Never was, will never be.

Ice Prince: How can I be gay when my Maggi is straight like a magistrate?

The Aboki never disappoints.

So… I was on Twitter, and I saw a tweet about how proposing to a girl in public could become really awkward if the kele said no. I’m not here to discuss how romantic that shii is (a nigga ain’t gat time for that), but it sparked the idea of something dumb to write on here. Here goes.

1. That one question you never want the answer to be No: “Will you marry me?”

2. That one question you never want the answer to be Yes: “Has the Moin-Moin finished?”

3. That one question you never want your mother to ask: “Are you a virgin?”

4. That one name you’d never give your male child: Cletus.

5. That one name you’d never give your female child: Personality (Igbo people, God will judge you .)

6. That one artiste you’d never allow perform at your wedding: Vic-O

7. That one town you never want a potential P to be from: Abeokuta.

8. That one hobby you never want a girlfriend to have: Butchering.

9. That one person you never want to hear your child call a role model: Sina Rambo.

10. That one thing that can make the Pope swear: Lagos traffic.

11. That one thing you never want to have to smell up close: A Yoruba girl’s pant.

12. That one phrase you never want to hear from the doctor: “We tried our best.”

13. That one question Google can never answer: “Is there light at home?”

14. That one device you never want to forget on an airplane: An iPad

15. That one series of sounds you don’t want to hear from your neighbour’s apartment on a rainy, cold Friday night when you’re home alone: “Oooohh… Aaaahhhh… Yes, baby! Yesssssssssssss!”

16. That one food item an Ilorin girl can never say No to: Shawarma.

17. That one ringtone that you’d never want your phone to ring out in Church: “Meji l’oyan…. Okan l’oko…”

18. That one channel you’d sell your left kidney & left testis so DSTv could delete it: Africa Magic.

19. That one statement that will always evoke rapturous laughter: “Boyfriend, I’m pregnant.”

20. That one person that will always be the most awesome person to own the most awesome blog: Me!

I’d loved to stay and write more, but I have to go and stalk PostBadBitches’s TL… A nigga gotta feed his eyes.

Till another random something sparks my brain like Gordon’s Spark,

Uncle Wana.

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