How have we been?
A lot of terrible things have occured since the last time I was here… The Aluu killings… The Bayelsa floodings… Tonto Dikeh’s songs…
May God give us the strength to survive these unfortunate events.
Ice Prince: Bad things happen because mean people do things. Badminton.
Unto today’s post.
I was watching a movie on Africa Magic with my neighbours. In the said movie, the lead character had four children, all female. Which, according to my neighbour, didn’t make sense because she thinks giving birth to four children of the same sex doesn’t make sense.
Now I’m not a girl, so I can’t say if having four daughters would make sense or not. But I’m a guy, and I can tell you that having four sons would be extremely awesome!!!!!!!! And I’ll tell you why.
1. Easier Parenting: I think we can all agree that it’s way easier having to raise boys than girls. You don’t have to stress yourself teaching them how to cook (just show them how to cook noodles and we’re good), and there’s not going to be any weird questions about why they turn into a tap of blood 3 days a month when they hit puberty. You don’t get worried when you see a condom in their wallets (you’re actually happy they’re protecting themselves).
You don’t have to monitor their studies, because boys are genetically smarter than females. So you can afford to spend all your time eating Moin-Moin and still raise perfect kids. Bliss.
The only really essential thing you have to teach them will be how to knot ties, and how to become beasts at FIFA.
2. TV Harmony: This is one of the best parts of having four sons. You will never hear “I want to watch Fashion TV” when the rest of the house is watching the English Premier League. Or “I want to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians” when it’s FIFA time. You get to watch your football matches in total peace. And nothing could be any better.
3. Continuity of Family name: Having four sons is a sure-banker that your last name ain’t disappearing anytime soon, especially if they inherit my Usain Bolt-ic sperm. They will also give birth to their own four male sons, and before you know, there’ll be Wanas in every continent on Earth.
Wait, continent? There’ll be Wanas on every planet in our solar system! You think na beans make sperm dey move at that speed?
4. Extremely Healthy Family: When you raise 4 boys, you have an extremely healthy family. Why? I’ll explain.
As much as I’d love all my youngin’s to be Manchester United fans, one or two of the idiots will definitely branch out and become Chelsea or Real Madrid fans (If any of my boys claims Arsenal, I’m doing a paternity test. I can’t father such a child).
The end result of this diversity means there’s always someone to laugh at every weekend. And since laughter is the best medicine, nobody will ever fall sick.
Wana Jnr: Daddy I have Malaria.
Me: Ah…. Sorry nigga… Wait till we beat Chelsea this afternoon and you’ll laugh and be alright.
So as you can see. Raising 4 boys is the most wonderful thing that can happen to a parent.
Sometime, very soon, the extremely sexy @Debloww will be writing the opposite article to this, on how life with 4 female children would be awesome.
I know Terdoh will run and gaan follow her now. Stalker oshi.
Hope you enjoyed the post, fucktards.
*in Christian Grey’s voice* Laters baby!