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Hello Earthlings, UFOs, IFOs, and those that think Nigeria is a planet. How una dey? Not like I want to care, but then… [BLACK OUT]

*sexy brunette newscaster appears on TV screen*

Good Evening gentlemen and ladies, information just reaching us from Ikeja, Lagos state has it that the hollow muscular organ lying on the sternum that serves as a pump controlling the blood flow in two circuits, the pulmonary and the systemic… that in turn maintains and regulates the flow of blood through Mayowa’s body… Has been BROKEN! [Selah]

“He was crushing on her, she was crushing his dream of crushing on her… Someone broke Wana’s heart… Again”

😦

*Moment of Silence*

About a month ago (or two), floods ravaged several states in the country, especially those around the banks of the River Benue and this led to people praying for the harmattan season to come in a hurry. Now the harmattan has come and with it also came… HEARTBREAKS! 😦 Heartbreaks everywhere, from relationships to football (Ferguson didn’t try against Norwich sha)

Okay seriously, what is it with this month and heartbreaks? Is it because its almost Christmas and the economy is not fairly disposed to some of our female brethren?… Or maybe could it be because February 14 is only 2 months away and everyone is breaking up now so as to avoid the hurry/rush that January brings? Or maybe they don’t want it to seem like they’re breaking up because of the fear of valentine dinners and gifts? Well, we’ll find out soon… Maybe.

So in my usual philanthropic nature, I came up with certain measures to make sure this trend doesn’t continue… At least not to those that read this blog. So gently, bring out your writing materials and let’s learn some preventive measures. Inugo? Oya…

1. DON’T KEEP LATE NIGHTS: If you are like some of us, and you’re more than a relationship, civil union maybe. Yea, the kind of relationship in which your girlfriend has opened a domicillary account in your apartment: Don’t stay out past 7pm. You don’t want to arouse the unsolicited interest of madam into your whereabouts. If you stay past 7pm, make sure you give her 2 days notice. Thank you.

2. GET A COPY OF FIFA 13 (or PES): No matter the console in your possession, endeavor to get a FIFA13 CD, it will help you in case number one fails. A wiseman once said, if you want to know a real man, look at the computer game he plays. FIFA 13, he’s an Ubermale; he’s in control and can manage risks. PES 13; he’s an old fox, he knows the tricks and he’s afraid of new technology. NBA 13; he may or may not be a male… Or let’s say, he failed physical health education (PHE) in high school. Sigh

3. DON’T FORGET TO COMPLIMENT THE FOOD: Except you’re going to smile at the thought of eating indomie thrice daily, 7 days a week for the next two months (if you can’t cook), if she cooks for you… Mind yourself and tell her say the food sweet because some girls don swear say dem no go cook for their boyfriend at all. Give thanks for what you have.

4. RELATIONSHIP REVIEW: So many of us are in make believe relationships, and like movies there’ll always be stunt doubles! Goys, Christmas is around the corner and as the popular saying goes, “Your girlfriend’s real boyfriend is coming”. So my 2 cents… start patching your loose ends, and when the sun is at its prime (say by 12 or 1pm, then she would be very impatient) ask her this question in the most fucked up italian accent you can think of, “We need to talk”. How you want to go about asking her the other question is left to you. If you survive give me credit (glo please), if you end up without a finger or you’re forearm… Bless up!

5. If every of these options don’t fall through and you’re put in Wana’s shoes, don’t be dismayed… Just tell her, “Looool. *smh*”, Bookmark this page (and make sure its on your front page), and take the following quotes on heartbreak.

“The heart was made to be broken.” – Oscar Wilde

“Disappointment has a name, it’s heartbreak” – John Mayer

“Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.” – Lisa Kleypas

“I know my heart will never be the same, But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay” – Sara Evans

“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.”

“No one ever loved anyone the way that person wanted to be loved. ” – Mignon McLaughlin

“There are two times in every man’s life when he is thoroughly happy; just after he has met his first love and just after he has parted from his last one.” – H. L. Mencken

I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying. -Michael Jordan

“It’s a beautiful day, but not as beautiful as me.” – Johnny Bravo

“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without heartbreaks.” – Twisted Chinese Proverb

PS:

If you’re lamenting about lost fortunes on Nairabet because your favorite team lost out of the UEFA champions league, please take out one minute to include Wana in your prayer(s). Peace!!!

🙂

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