The last time I made a blog post, Arsenal had not paid any fee for a transfer this season;

The last time I made a blog post, Manchester United fans were solidly behind David Moyes.

The last time I wrote a blog post, Mesut Ozil was a Real Madrid player;

The last time I wrote a blog post, Arsenal fans wanted Arsene Wenger’s head on a platter;

The last time I made a blog post, I promised never to use the gym; But things have changed since the last time I wrote a blog; many, many things.

*Wipes tear*

I went into the gym (yaaay!!!) to work out for the first time since I could properly pronounce my name in full. As a newbie, I had to sit back and watch most of the activities while preparing my mind for the glorious task of getting in shape.

Below are a few categories of gym users I noticed and I’ve decided to share

Category One – Onlookers

Chale, whether you like it or not, these people are always there. Newbies like myself for instance, we don’t do anything, just watch the people training and take instructions; and others that aren’t even taking instructions, but go for the fun of it.

They are not motivated, and cannot be motivated. *chews cake*

Category Two – Models

Nope, not professional models. These ones are not even in shape to start with; rather, they come to the gym – pay the gate fee, and proceed to taking pictures of themselves on different machines and after that, pack their belongings and head home for the day.

You will see them everywhere; everytime, yet they aren’t sweating. na wa.

Category Three – Trainers

These ones are even the worst! All they do is go to the gym, pretend they are actually working out, but in real essence they are looking for someone to prey on in the guise that they are “trainers” or more aptly, “coaches”. Ask them to provide documentation and they would be gone before you even say Jack… Daniels.

Example: A is working out, B comes up to him and says,

A: “Chief, you’re doing it right, you only need a trainer and you will make this count”

B: “Really? I could use some tutoring. Care to help out?”

A: Sure, oya lie down on that mat.

10 minutes later

A: You know eh? You have the stance of a boxer! If you can give me N25,000, I will coach you for straight 3 months and you will knock people down like a pro.

B: Ehen? Really? Where is your office?

Changes intonation

A: Guy no be buy office dem dey use training person. Drop the twenty-five, I go do you well.

B: But bros, how I go take give you N25k just like that?

A: *silence*

20 minutes later

A: *silence*

30 minutes later

A: *silence*


Category Four – Touchers

I’m not kidding you, people touch boobs for free in gym halls in this same Nigeria. For Free [Thank me later]

Some people would just pretend to be helping a lady with work-out and be pressing sensitive areas, and guess what? They won’t complain!!! *Skjadskjdskjhdfsjkldakjdsdskjdskjhdkjdskjdshkjdshjdskj*

So if your girlfriend/wife/concubine/sidechick or any female specie you have feeling for is heading to the gym; public or private… Make sure their trainer is a female; a straight female.

Category Five – Hulks

I can’t be descriptive enough, some people just feel like they need to play the role of Hulk in a movie without effects before they die. I mean, some people actually look like hulk! And it sucks! Or maybe I’m just jealous. ( *_*) Either ways, there are human muscle monsters living amongst us. We must fast and pray.

Well that’s all I noticed today. I would be giving you the gist and I embark on the journey to get my own six packs. Remember people have broken up without their boyfriends because they weren’t fit enough.

Until next time, Stay winning.

Your man,


What the other Gym Class Heroes you know?

Meanwhile, I wrote a letter to my unborn kid ———-> HERE <———— Do check it out and leave a comment.


Power is nothing without the remote control

– Pirelli Tires (2001)

(c) PlaybookUtunu 2013