If you haven’t read Chapter 1, you can read it here.
Adio Belubelu & The Blackberry of Secrets
The Blackberry of Secrets had been stolen.
For the first ten or so seconds, everyone just stared at Obatala, maybe waiting for him to perhaps say it was all an expensive joke. Obatala stared right back at them, his small beady eyes searching the room for the culprit.
Then Sango stood up, his eyes fiery and making his eyebrows singe. “What do you mean? How could this have happened? How?! Do you know what this means? We demand an explanation now!”
And oh, did it mean a lot.
You see, not all the gods were morally upright. Some were filled with jealousy at the other gods, while some just hated the others for things they had done in the past.
There were also a few immortal beings and some human beings who had beefs with some gods (Skales has been trying to hurt Orunmila for not allowing him blow), so that the Blackberry of Secrets was not safe was bad news.
The idea for a place to keep all the secrets in the world had come after the First Great War when the Hausa god of destruction, Boko Haru had convinced Esu to team up with him and destroy the other gods. None of the gods had been able to match up to Esu’s tricks and so couldn’t stop him. Esu had turned on Boko Haru after he overheard Boko Haru’s plan to destroy him after.
After the incident and 1000 prostrations from Esu (he had seemed deeply sorry), the other gods had forgiven him and Orunmila had asked Obatala to create the Blackberry of Secrets. It would hold all the world’s greatest information: the type of demons removed from Jim Iyke, the true meaning of Skelewu, what exactly was in GEJ’s head, and many more secrets.
The most important secrets it held though, which were the main reason for its creation, were the weak points of all the gods. Orunmila had forced all the gods to submit their weaknesses, so incase another god went rogue they’d put him down with ease.
You see, the gods are immortal, but each had a curse placed on them during their creation.
Obatala, Ogun & Yemoja were the 3 Elder gods, who had been there since the beginning of time. Obatala was the creator, Ogun was the god of metal, and Yemoja ruled the oceans.
Ogun had not been happy with having a female among the Elders, and started toasting Yemoja. Yemoja had been delighted to be the cynosure of Ogun’s eyes, and just 3 weeks into their relationship, she told Ogun that she was ready to have sex with him.
She was not aware that Ogun was about to kill her, as he had infused his penis with all the iron in the world. Yemoja realized his true plans just as he was about to penetrate her, but could not stop him. With one sharp thrust, he tore Yemoja apart into pieces.
Before she was destroyed though, Yemoja had made a prophecy and a curse. It is known as the First Great Prophecy. She had said,
“Because you have used your preek to destroy one, 2 shall rise to replace it. And all shall have the one thing that shall deface it.”
Those had been her final words. And true to them, the pieces of her morphed into different gods, with 2 of them, Sango & Orunmila, having more power than the rest.
The curse also turned out to be true. Every god had discovered, over time, that there was something that affected them deeply, which shut down all their senses and left them more useless than Obasanjo in a 4×100 meter relay race.
Only each god knew what his secret weakness was, and protected it at all costs. Even Orunmila, who had ordered them to surrender them, didn’t know what it was.
In the wrong hands, the Blackberry of Secrets was extremely dangerous, and could signal the end of the gods.
Orunmila studied the chaos in the Alpha Shrine, and had a hunch that the culprit was in the room. He knew he couldn’t allow the noise to go on, and as calm as Berbatov, stood up and silenced the room with a wave of his hand.
“Quiet, brothers. The thief is among us.”
The gods took time to digest this information, and were extremely worried. That one of their own had turned again was very, very bad news.
I stood up to stretch my feet, when suddenly Kondonmu pointed at me and shouted, ”I knew it was him! He shouldn’t be here! He is the thief! Let me turn him to a blood-stained sanitary pad!”
Obatala had shut him up instantly.
”Adio no fit thief am for Blackberry. Na only god fit pass am for Vic.O make e no see am.”
Vic.O was the horrendous three-headed cow that had been created by Aja, the god of the wilderness and animals, to protect the Blackberry of Secrets. Only someone with god-like speed would be able to go past it unnoticed.
Sango, who had been silently pondering who it could be, stood up and grabbed Esu off his seat, his hammer in the god’s face.
“Did you steal the Blackberry, Esu? Lie to me, and I will fry your brains with palm oil.”
Ogun rose and stood beside Sango, threatening to do to Esu what he did to Yemoja. The whole room was now focused on the trio, and silently hoping Esu would confess and end this drama.
Esu didn’t deny the allegations, and Sango was about to strike him when Orunmila held his arm.
“We do not have proof. Be calm, brother. We shall conduct an investigation.”
That got Ogun infuriated. “An Investigation? With the thief among us? We are doomed!”
As he stormed away from Sango and towards the exit, pictures of Cossy Orjiakor’s big breasts suddenly appeared in the room.
Ogun laid his eyes on them, and he froze. He eyes turned blood-red, his muscles stiff, and he fell face-first on the floor.
Someone had discovered Ogun’s weakness.
The war against the gods had begun.