Omo na Malaria delay us so. Nigga’s been screaming for this so far, so I had no choice but to deliver.
Ice Prince: I removed his liver inside the fridge, call that cold delivering.
Panic like never before filled the Alpha Shrine.
Sango had scrambled to Ogun’s side, and did his best to revive the fallen god. He spat fire at the pictures, burning them in an instant. He looked over at the other gods, demanding help. The other gods were still in shock, not knowing what to do. Kondonmu was snickering about Ogun’s weakness, which led to Sango spitting a ball of fire at him.
Ogun was finally revived, and looked red-faced as the gods had finally discovered his secret weakness. He walked back to his seat and began singing a Chris Brown song.
“Please don’t judge me, and I won’t judge you… But if you like boobie, then let it be beautiful”
Orunmila had walked over to me, looking very scared and spoke in a gentle tone.
“You’re the only person I trust, Adio. One or more of the gods has been compromised. I need your help.”
I looked up into the Elder god’s face, and I knew I was really all he had.
“Name it, Orunmeezy, my nigga. I’m here to do your bidding.”
My nickname drew a thin smile from his lips, and he promised to get back to me.
Days went by, and there was no word from the Alpha Shrine that something bad happened again.
Orunmila had put the gods into teams, with himself and me alone in a team. This had raised slight suspicion among the other gods, but nobody really protested because Sango had approved it.
I returned to my human life as a rapper, and I prepared for my upcoming album launch. I tried to keep my ear open for anything abnormal sounds, but it was hard because immortals could be quite sneaky when they wanted to.
2 weeks after the attack on Ogun, a breakthrough finally happened.
Orunmila had called a meeting, to check on the status of the teams and what each of them had found. Each group had given its account of what had happened, with the group of Esu, Ogun and Aje, the god of wealth, giving their accounts of what had happened.
Esu had gone first.
“The theft was not committed by any of the people on my group. Aje spent all of the eve of the theft at the Central Bank, while Ogun was working on something new at his factory. And of course, I didn’t do it.”
Aje corroborated Esu’s story.
“As Esu has already clearly stated, none of us stole the Blackberry. Esu was parading Allen Avenue as he usually is most nights, while I was making sure was my wealth was intact. And you’ve been informed of where Ogun was.”
Orunmila didn’t look too impressed.
“Do you have picture proof of your presence at those locations?”, he demanded?
Esu responded quickly.
”Yes. All pictures taken with my Tecno Phantom.”
That made Sango very angry and earned Esu crispy hair.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN TECNO PHANTOM? ARE YOU A BASTARD? YOU’RE PROVING YOUR INNOCENCE WITH A SUB-STANDARD SMART PHONE?”
Orunmila had calmed Sango down, and then faced the duo of Aje and Esu again.
“So where is Ogun now?”
Both gods seemed like they had hoped to avoid that question, and Aje stammered out a reply.
“Em… Em.. Eminem.. He’s still not very good… I mean… He’s not feeling too fine since the attack… He’s home resting”.
Orunmila waved their report session over, and both gods sat back down.
Then it hit me.
I had performed at the Colourful World Of More concert the night before, and I remember seeing some familiar faces on stage. It all became clear.
Davido had called some people on stage to come and dance Skelewu, and I had seen a guy in a Man Utd jersey and a girl in a black bra with bunny ears.
I hadn’t been sure when I saw them then, but I was now. It had been Ogun and the goddess of sexuality, Osun.
Ogun was fine.
Esu & Aje were lying.
I told Orunmila about my suspicions, and he looked at me with his usual all-knowing stare
“See why I trust you? You na bad guys.”
Esu had seen the look in Orunmila’s eyes, and knew that they had been found out. Instantly he created a diversion, filling the room with green smoke and disappearing with Aje.
Sango, who had also discovered what had happened, roared loudly as he took after them, with Orunmila & Obatala right behind him.
I couldn’t move as swiftly as the gods, so I took the celestial chariot, an all-black Range Rover that was created to drag the eclipse around to wherever it was to be seen. The fuel inside it had finished before they could get the eclipse to Ibadan, so it had been dumped here.
Someone had refueled it though, and I guessed it was Esu, hoping to use it for his sinister plans. I didn’t mind though, and slipped in my Fire of Zamani CD and drove off in pursuit.
I got to Ogun’s shrine right on time.
As I came down from the Range Rover, I noticed the gods had split into 2 factions.
Orunmila, Sango, Oya, Sanponna, Erinle, Obatala, Olokun and Denrelu were on one side, with Esu, Osun, Aja, Oba, Kondonmu and Aje on the other side.
Behind the second group was Ogun desperately trying to unlock the Blackberry of Secrets and trying all sorts of PIN codes.
“3668… 3669… 3670…”
Standing over him was the number one enemy of the gods: Boko Haru.
The gods all knew it was over if Ogun unlocked the Blackberry, and I knew it too.
Luckily I had a memoir of Ogun’s weakness: Cossy’s breasts. I had kept it with me for the cold times, and it had just come in handy. I flung the picture at Ogun, and he caught it, looked at it and laughed.
“You really thought those two fake over-pressed watermelons were my weakness? You all shall fall!”
Suddenly there was a small pop sound, as Ogun unlocked the Blackberry.
“Yessssss! I have unlocked it! Let us find out the…”
A large lightning bolt ripped through the sky and smashed the Blackberry into a million pieces.
Everyone looked as the figure that sent the bolt came down from the sky and settled beside Orunmila.
He was dressed in a white Cool Beans tee-shirt with white trousers and white Gucci high-tops.
Orunmila seemed to have planned this all along, and smiled as he shook the stranger’s hand.
“Good evening, Amadioha. Right on time.”
Yup, that’s the end of that.
Book 2, Adio Belubelu and The First Bus-Stop, will start when I feel way better.