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It's 7:54:52 PM on a wednesday evening as I anticipate the arrival of a plane from Abuja that will convey me and other intending passengers to Lagos. A flight that was scheduled to leave Port Harcourt at 7:10pm. Chale I'm tired. 

So here I am, after one cancelled flight, six hours of waiting and one plate of fitfam eba in my stomach and I'm yet to leave for Lagos (even God is Good or G. U. Okeke would have gotten me to Lagos since 6) and while keeping people waiting for me at the office, I'm forced to reconsider the choice of my parents in choosing to be Nigerians. I agree, like me, there was little or nothing they could do to change that, but guy, make we talk true ehn this country don tire man.

Okay let me tell you my story.

So I'm going to Lagos for a while and because our elders have always said something about making horse food while the sun still shines, I book my flights three days before my departure date, made prompt payments, confirmed for a 1:30pm flight from Port Harcourt and like every law abiding citizen, went about the city of Port Harcourt in my legitimate business, dodging TIMARIV officials and police check points in the process.

Then comes wednesday, with all her promise of glory and sunshine (at this point I'll admit I washed the clothes I'd travel with that morning) and I get ready for the said sojourn, hop into a taxi and then I'm greeted with 

"Dear Esteemed Customer, This is to inform you that your flt (they couldn't even spell flight in full) XX1234, PHC-LOS of 10DEC.2014 on XXX Airlines has been cancelled DUE TO OPERATIONAL reasons..."

They then went on to tell me how faux sorry they were for the inconvenience caused me (extra money to buy another ticket + six hours waiting period), and directed me to someone who gave me a refund. But I refused to take the money, I told them I don't need their apology, but I need a new flight.

After shouting and bawling for 30 minutes, I shamelessly take my refund and head over to another desk where the best I could afford was a 7:30pm flight. Long story short (because I'm hungry right now), the new flight didn't even come until 8 (which is "commendable").

So here are the 3 things airlines will teach you about Nigeria...

1. Some Nigerians are vague(dodgy/deceptive/cunning): If an airline tells you they're canceling a flight due to operational reasons, the pilot of the aircraft probably just put to bed (and he's a man) and needs some time off. Don't argue, book the next flight out of that airport or go home.

Same thing happens if a Nigerian tells you something like "I dey come". In plain English, this will translate to "I just woke up, let me have my bath, brush my teeth and grab something to eat. 2face style."
2. Some Nigerians (like me) like last minute brouhaha: First off, someone (not me, I'm tired), should start a petition against airlines that will cancel flights at the eleventh hour without providing an alternative. See ehn, this SERVICOM thing is not working anymore.

One funny thing that is annoyingly commonplace in our country is how we wait until almost all hope is assumedly lost before taking action. For example, look at the horror story that is the Nigerian currency. Enough said.

3.Nigerians are patient people: Don't take my word for it, just go to the depature lounge in a Nigerian airport or that's even going too far, ask any Nigerian about the state of the economy, and what you will hear will be something like "E go better, "we go dry alright". David Moyes kind of behaviour.

As an aside, if you want to marry a Nigerian woman, just book an aero flight for her and make her wait for the next available flight... If she says "It's okay love, I will wait", give that woman a ring; but if she says something in the opposite, for example "I cannot come and die", "I will make the trip tomorrow"etc. It's never too late to run for your life.

I think I'll stop here for now because this hunger thing has gotten out of hand, but before then...

If you know how to create an audit form using Microsoft Excel, please get at me niro@nirobertram.com, I'll appreciate.

Until next time,

Nirooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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PS: #TPL3 holds on the 20th of December 2014 at CIS school, Lekki - Lagos, Nigeria. Buy your tickets on http://thetpl.org/tickets

Tickets to the TPL are available for ₦1000 for single tickets and ₦9000 for group tickets (admits 10)

And other info you need concerning TPL, holler pay@thetpl.org and don't forget to follow on twitter & instagram: @thetpl; and Facebook.com/thetpl.

Issalova
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