Beer, the single most important human invention after the internet and moin-moin; the greatest product of science and proof that you can kiss an hour glass lady anytime you want. Anytime.

According to Benjamin Franklin, beer is proof that God wants us to be happy and so it begs the question and baffles me when someone full of life says, “I don’t drink beer”. That’s like saying I want to have kids but I don’t want to have se, it doesn’t follow. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for freedom of speech and expression but like all things on earth, that freedom comes with a clause… It should not be harmful to the health of other people around you.

Beer is a product of fermentation and is brewed in over 100 countries by over a thousand breweries worldwide, a proof of the ubiquitous nature of this beverage, and any man of substance ought to go out of his way to have a beer every once in 4 weeks at the very least. I have good reasons for that.

1. A bottle of beer a day, keeps the doctor away.

a-beer-a-day-keeps-the-doctor-away
                                                                                                                                                                           image: Niro Bertram/Playbookutunu

Thomas Jefferson once said, “beer if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health. What Thomas Jefferson was trying to say there was, if you drink beer, your problems do not come haunting you.

Also the yeast used in brewing beer contains a lot of nutrients like magnesium, potassium, chromium, selenium, phosphorus and B vitamins. Talk about a healthy dose of happiness and nutrients, comforting you without asking for a ring in return.

2. Beer is au naturale.

beer-is-au-naturale
Image: Niro Bertram / Playbookutunu

Which means that it does not contain artificial preservatives, like those found in soda/soft drinks, so you don’t even have to bother about your doctor placing an embargo on beverages with artificial preservatives.

Unlike Coke (Pepsi), Fanta (Mirinda) etc, beer is preserved by a natural ingredient called hops. I would go ahead to mention other health benefits like how stout beer is a good remedy for constipation, but I think I’ve made enough already. Let’s move on.

3. Beer is the most popular beverage after water and tea.

beer-is-the-most-popular-beverage
Image: Niro Bertram / Playbookutunu

If beverages were to be a democracy, I’d liken beer to the judicial arm of government. Where water is the executive arm and tea is the legislature, for the single reason that it helps you make accurate judgments. For example, there have been reports that after consuming 6 bottles of lager beer, old things are passed away and behold previously ugly wenches become as pretty as Miss Colombia.

4. Drinking beer teaches patience.

beer-teaches-patience
Image: Niro Bertram / Playbookutunu

If there’s one virtue that beer imbibes into the average drinker, it is patience. I’m not about the first lady here, but here’s how it works.

When pouring water into a glass, you just pour it at once and it settles down nicely, but that’s not the case with pouring beer. Pouring beer requires the highest level of concentration and emotional stability to make sure every drop gets into the glass without spilling onto the table, little wonder tailors are big fans of drinking beer.

5. Beer is loyal

beer is loyal
Image: Niro Bertram / Playbookutunu

Beer is like a dog, always there for you, in good times and in bad times unlike champagne which is only there for you in good times when you need to celebrate and that’s why the price of beer can never go off the roof. In fact, the highest you can pay for beer is ₦1000 at a club or ₦250 pump price unlike champagne that sells for an upward of ₦7000 at a club and ₦4000 pump price.

Be guided.

6. Beer is safer than water. Really.

beer-is-safer-than-water
Image: Niro Bertram / Playbookutunu

If you read the news and follow it judiciously, you’ll have known that sometime last year, there was an outbreak of cholera resulting from the consumption of unclean water, especially on the suburbs of Port Harcourt. My guess is those people could have been very thirsty to the point of dehydration and needed to drink water but alas the water was dirty or impure. They’d easily have drank a beer to provide them with enough liquid while they searched for clean water.

At this point, I’d like you to know beer in it’s finished form is pure. Make use of that information how you will.

In closing, there are three kinds of people: the people who brew the beer; the people who serve the beer; and the people who drink the beer. Choose ye this day which of them you are.

I’d recommend all three.

PS: I’ve attached another nice little and handy infographic that will help you educate people on the importance of sanctity of beer. You can view/download it here

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