When a man desires development, he must designate, without delay, his direction, and direct his deeds towards dispatching his duties decently.

This decision is one that can only be dreamed up by a man with discipline, a man whose description and demeanor is desirable and distinctive, and whose dick is dudu and not dull.

I am a delectable dude of such deportment, and you may call me D.

The title and the introduction to the post are actually nugatory, and thunder will fire you if you see me on the road and call me D.

Well, the introduction isn’t as useless as it seems. It is similar in structure to a speech made in my favorite film of all-time, V For Vendetta. A film which challenged people to think for themselves, and fight against the people/things who desire that they shouldn’t. One of the film’s quotes says:

“Behind this mask there is more than just flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea… and ideas are bulletproof.”

This put forwards the notion that the thoughts a person has are so strong and so powerful, they cannot be destroyed by mere ultra-fast projectiles. (The quote fails to add however that other things can kill ideas (like really good sex), because anything lo le ku at any fucking time.)

This is relevant because I actually thought before I wrote this post. Something I don’t usually do.

The message of the introduction is also of note, as it relates to my state of mind at the moment. It’s something I’ve said a lot over the years, but  this time I think I’m making headway.

I want to be a better person.

I lost my phone at the mall on Saturday when I went to watch Fast & Furious 7. There were so many people at the mall that day, and one of them was an oloriburuku small-penised bastard who came with the intention to steal people’s phones.

The sad part was that I knew exactly when the phone was moved because I was listening to music at that point in time. What song was I listening to? Skales’ Shake Body. As if we needed more signs that Skales’ music career would never amount to anything good. But there were so many people walking around me I couldn’t even begin to think who it could have been.

The first night without my phone, I noticed that I lived a more peaceful, less sinful life (Barssssss.) I found out that I was able to pray my prayers at the right time, didn’t do a lot of immoral things that I normally did because I couldn’t: watch porn, send nudes (without receiving any 😦 ), scamming old single ladies in Australia, ignoring follow back requests, scoring people when they aren’t looking in FIFA 15, and so on, and so forth.

In retrospect, I think sending nudes without receiving is kinda a good characteristic. Shows a sense of selflessness. You know, like I put your konji before mine and that kind of stovvs.

I then decided not to replace my phone for now (also because money is absent like Cynthia Morgan’s talent), and see if while stopping my vices, I could also add some virtues. I decided to take my religion more seriously (because if Hell is hotter than this Lagos weather, I don’t really want to be chilling there you know), be more respectful to elder people, treat people equally and be a nice person, no Toni Payne.

So you see, the movement of my phone turned out to be a good thing. Like the wise ones always said, bitter agbalumo makes sweet chewing gum.

But brethren, let me tell you right here and right now that this “being a better person” shit is hard.

It’s like people are out there who make it their goal to frustrate you in life. The devil sets out to deploy his Orubebes into your life the moment he sees you want to be a peaceful person. Its so damn frustrating.

The most important lessons I’ve learnt so far on my journey to be a better person are that:

1.  NEPA or PHCN or whatever they call themselves are really useless people.

2. You’re not a better person, until you’re patient.

If you can not activate your inner Jega, you can’t really be a better person. There are so many people out there who will notice your calmness and come to rattle you. People will step on the new shoes that are making you drink garri for a month and won’t even apologize. People will walk up to you and tell you irritating things like dodo is sweeter than Moin-Moin.

These things would normally irk you. Most times, you’d even be forced to curse them out. But you can’t because, beta pikin uhn you look like your mama pikin uhn. (I’m sorry.) So all you can tell them is “May it be well, borehole, pumping machine and tanker with you.”

What makes being patient so hard for most people is that 100% of the time, you have to swallow your pride and be the bigger man. And swallowing is hard. I don’t know how those Unilag girls do it.

It’s hard in this crazy world we live in to have a default reaction of “let me just free.” At times I want to just fuck freedom and be the smaller person and put people in their places. But then what makes you better than them? Nothing. You and the person are 2 breasts in the same bra.

It’s been  a tough few days, but I kinda like the person that I’ve become so far.